So, the last few days have gotten away from me. It got very busy at work, I haven’t written in my blog and I even missed yoga. That’s big stuff. For a yuppie homesteader to miss her yoga class is a big deal. But alas, it was last night and by the time I realized I had my yoga class, it was already over.
And that’s the theme for tonight’s post: losing track of things when I get too busy. It’s always been a weak spot of mine. While I pride myself of the quantity of work I can do and the speed with which I can do it, there’s always the chance I will lose sight of something important. And when it happens, it can be big or it can be small. It can be something inconsequential to anyone but me such as missing a yoga class or it could be something significant like fixing an element in a document or presentation that I knew needed corrected but I lost sight of it, which impacts a client. It frustrates me because I know the truth: had I just slowed down, it wouldn’t have happened.
Mostly, however, I find that the stuff I lose sight of when I get busy now tends to get really personal: I lose sight of myself. That’s happened lately. I haven’t seen my bestie in months – partly pandemic and partly not. I’ve stopped walking, even though I immensely enjoy it. And basically, when I’ve had down time I’ve either sat in front of the television or scrolled through my phone looking to be overstimulated. I haven’t exactly figured out why that is. I mean, I’m already overstimulated and the last thing I need is something more to stimulate me further. Instead of choosing to wind down – which seems like too much effort somehow – I choose to stay wound up. Unless, of course, I break the cycle.
Tonight, I’m breaking the cycle. The first step was here: writing in this blog which helps to refocus me on what I truly want in my life. The next step? We’re having a bonfire tonight. It’s a Wednesday night and normally, we wouldn’t do a bonfire unless it was the weekend. So, why tonight? Because we can and it’s the perfect night for it. The high today was in the low 70s and by this evening, it will likely be high 50s. That’s perfect bonfire weather.
What are the other steps I need to stop the overstimulation and get back to the kind of life I want to live? Outside of the obvious – putting down the phone and turning off the TV – there’s the not-so-obvious. Putting on my favorite jeans tonight, which I seem to subconsciously save wearing until I’m almost ready to do laundry again. Taking a quick shower to wash off the stress of the day. Doing some deep breathing. Counting all of the things I’m grateful for in my life. Enjoying the silence without the need to find something to stimulate me. Right now, the birch trees are rustling with a little wind and they make a distinctive noise but there’s nothing else to disrupt that noise. The sound is incredibly soothing. It all leads up to the same thing: letting go to just be.
After a busy couple of weeks at work with a weekend of canning sandwiched in and a renovation project on the side, there’s just a lot of stimulation going on around here. But recognizing that I contribute to it by my own actions is critical for me to manage my own stress. Tonight, I get it. It’s been awhile, but I get it. I need to break the cycle.
When I discuss all of the changes I’ve made in my life, I often discuss the physical ones: going part-time, working from home, living more naturally, growing our own food. But the biggest changes are honestly on the emotional side. Learning to take time for silence, stopping myself from engaging in more chaos, slowing down my breath and my heart rate. These are all things I never paid attention to before. When I saw laid back people who were successful, I envied them and secretly resented them. I could only achieve what I achieved, I thought, because I always held on tight. Candidly, I still hold on too tight. But gradually, I’m learning to let go. And as I’ve learned to let go, I find I don’t have to pull myself up short as often anymore to force myself to relax. I also find there are times I can move as naturally into relax mode as I move into intensity mode.
Tonight is one of those times when I have to literally snap myself out of it. As I quickly cleaned up the kitchen before coming up to write, I looked around for my phone. “Just one more check of the news,” I told myself as I reached for it. “Then, I’ll relax.” Thankfully, some wise part of my soul kicked in. “The news will be there tomorrow,” it answered back. “But the lost minutes and hours you waste here tonight on needless excess stimulation and stress will be gone forever.” I stopped looking for my phone and came upstairs to write.
So, this is where I am. I’m a little disappointed that I let myself get so bent out of shape again, but I’m also pleased that I finally stopped the ride, unbuckled my seat belt and walked away. It’s been awhile, but here I am. Now, to stay here for a little longer than I did the last time.
The Yuppie Homesteader 