So, my sweet, sweet Meadow is sick. Technically speaking, she has an overactive thyroid. And unlike most cats with an overactive thyroid, she has no appetite. It’s been hard to get her to eat and we’ve been increasingly upping the stakes to get her to take the required amount of calories per day. We first switched from wet to dry then from wet “chunky food” to pate then from chicken/turkey pate – once a big favorite – to fish-flavored pates. Then we moved to kitten food and we are now on tuna, which the vet says is okay for a few days until the medicine kicks in and her appetite comes back.
Other than the low appetite and sometimes hiding for an hour or two after she eats, her little personality hasn’t changed much. She’s still super affectionate and seeks us out. Yesterday, she even played a little bit. But I swear when I look into her sweet eyes and see the patch where they shaved her pretty fur to take blood that she’s not comfortable. And it breaks my heart.
On the flipside, we have our bouncing baby boy, who is candidly loving life. He’s playful, attention-seeking and also pretty laid back and happy all of the time. He went from a super skinny stray with a parasite and two bacterial infections to a pudgy little boy with a deep-throated purr and a zest for life, particularly play.
It’s hard to see the cats in such different spaces and while it’s totally gratifying to see Twister doing so well, it brings tears to my eyes to see Meadow suffering. The vet assures us that she will be fine and that we caught her disease super early, but that’s hard to accept when I am literally weighing food and keeping a diary of what she eats.
And last night, the wheels came off. What made me successful in business was my hyper-focus. If there was an issue, I would obsess about it. It was learned behavior that I practiced because it worked. The more I obsessed, the more I found creative answers to the problem and the more I was able to effectuate change. Even I recognized that it was a lousy coping skill. But when you’re running a business that is on the knife’s edge of bankruptcy and you have over 50 employees who rely on you for a paycheck, if hyper-focus gets the job done, you employ it regularly.
And when you’re a cat momma with a sweet girl who doesn’t feel well, it’s an obvious translation. Hyper-focus may just be the thing that gets her – and me – over the hump.
Except its not. My hyper-focus spreads to the entire household. The anxiety, worry, obsession and total focus on Meadow eating infected everyone from me, my husband, Twister and, yes, Meadow. All beings are susceptible to the emotional environment in which they exist. Straight up, I was making the whole house miserable. Yesterday was a lousy day. I didn’t get much work done, Twister didn’t get a lot of play, my husband was distracted by my obvious state of anxiety and Meadow didn’t eat all that well. Finally, as probably only my husband can do, he told me it had to stop. He wouldn’t tell me how to handle my emotions – I just couldn’t infect the whole house.
Now, anyone telling me what to do is more likely going to cause the opposite reaction from what the person requested. Except for Darryl. I’m not sure why that is but he can calm me down and stop me from reacting. His calm words, his even tone and his rational approach tends to settle me right down. I find myself responding rather than reacting. And for someone once known for her fast, hard footsteps and apocalyptic proclamations, that’s pretty powerful stuff.
But I give myself some credit. Darryl said the words, but I took the action. Last night, it was simply a “fake it ‘til you make it” response. I calmed down. The cadence of my voice and my breathing slowed. I deliberately ate a healthy meal. I turned off my phone and stopped the endless searches on “cats with hyperactive thyroid” and “how to get your cat to eat.”
Today, I am searching for real joy. I remember when my sister was sick and I had to face the prospect of a bad outcome, I forced myself to accept joy into my life. She was outwardly well now, I told myself. Accept that and build happy memories. I also focused on all of the things that brought me joy: my new life at home, my husband and – at that time – my single cat Meadow. I focused on friendships, the joys of seeing my nieces and nephew grow up. The relative comfort with which we lived our lives. In doing so, I created a healthy environment to face my fears and I became a support for my family to get through a trying time.
Today, I remind myself of that need to find joy. I have a pretty wonderful life. A great husband who stands up to me when no one else dares to. Two fantastic little cats who were both once strays and have admittedly moved up their status in life. Great sisters and families. Fridays off – and it’s Friday. A plan to be successful through the end of the year and the time I need to let my mind and soul breathe easy. Even as I type, the words are a balm to my scared, anxiety-stricken soul.
But I also realize this is what Meadow needs of me and of us. She needs her happy little home where she knows she is loved. She already knows she’s sick. She doesn’t need me to impress it upon her. But she needs to feel carefree as much as she can. That means that her home is calm, happy and filled with joy. To do that, it starts with me.
So, I am all about finding joy today, in both the smallest and the biggest of things. In the small, there is the joy of a long weekend – again – and time with my little family. With our new plan of unplanned Saturdays, there is the joy that tomorrow is filled with the promise of whatever we want it to be. And in the larger scheme? I take joy in the fact that we caught Meadow’s illness early and that she has every reason to expect a long and happy life once the medicine kicks in.
Finally, I remind myself that seeking joy isn’t something I should be exploring just when I’m stressed, but when I’m happy as well. Inviting joy into my life doesn’t matter if I’m rich or poor or even if I’m healthy or sick. It matters only that I want to find the happiness in life and enjoy it for the short time I am on this earth.
So, here’s to joy. A simple joy to go along with that simple peace. I wish it for you just as I wish it for Meadow, my little family of two-legged and four-legged creatures, for all those who need help finding joy and, genuinely, for myself as well.
Joy. Peace. Love. That’s all you ever really need.
The Yuppie Homesteader 