Today has been one of those days. You know the type… one of those days when you never sit down. It’s felt like I was busy all day. First, picking up the kitchen so I could go get groceries because I won’t bring groceries into a dirty kitchen. Then, cleaning the bathrooms. From there, stripping the bed and throwing the sheets in the washer, then dryer, then remaking the bed. Since I was out getting groceries, I may as well run through the bank and get cash as I haven’t had cash on me since before Christmas. Once I got home and finished the sheets, it just made sense to keep working on laundry. A load of light clothes done, then a load of kitchen towels (and yes, I have enough kitchen towels and they were all dirty so it was a pretty full load). Then, dinner prep and dinner cleanup. Finally, I sat down. We were going to start a jigsaw puzzle tonight and there’s an NFL game on, but the television is off. Instead, this little family of four is kicking back. The only sounds right now are of me typing on my keyboard. It feels like bliss.
Thankfully, I’m off tomorrow and while I have a little client work, I intend to take most of the day. And finally, the house is clean, the groceries are bought and there just isn’t a lot for me to do tomorrow. So, the quiet I experience tonight is extra special. It’s followed by little obligation tomorrow.
In this house, there is always something to be done. If it isn’t the usual stuff – regular cleaning, kitty care, meals or dishes – it’s the “not usual/but not unusual” stuff like snow removal, bringing in firewood, cleaning up after a small renovation project, etc. And finally, there is the stuff that is unique to being yuppie homesteaders – cleaning the snow off the solar panels, sterilizing the canning jars once they’ve been used so they can be packed away for next year. So quiet evenings are a rarity around here, even in winter.
Tonight – finally – is one of those nights coming after one of those days. I haven’t read a book in ages, but my tired brain isn’t even up for that tonight. Instead, I sit here, tapping out my thoughts and enjoying the absolute quiet of my house. There’s a gentle snow falling outside and somehow it makes it feel even more quiet.
It’s when it’s quiet that I truly appreciate my life. There is a simplicity in the quiet that moves me from wherever I was back to my center. I am keenly aware that we only get one ride on this thing called life and that I’ve already used 50 years of my ride. I could be in the last 1% of that time or the last 40% of that time. Statistics tell me that I’m probably in the last 30% of my time here on earth and that’s okay. But I want to make these last 30 years or so – if I get them – good ones. I want to build my life around appreciation, gratitude and feelings of love, warmth and companionship. I want to appreciate exactly how many chin or belly rubs it takes to bring my cat to a purr and how often I can make my husband smile. I want to feel the warmth of life’s embrace as well as the hugs of family and friends. I want to be brave enough to achieve again something I never thought I could, whether it be another half marathon, a novel or some other pursuit I’ve yet to identify.
Tonight for me is the essence of life. It’s finally calm enough for me to look up instead of looking forward to the next task. And I realize that I am truly at a unique juncture in life. It will be easier to keep just looking forward, being driven by obligations, responsibilities, to-do lists and tasks. But life has to mean something more. It’s time to eliminate some of those obligations that no longer make sense and prioritize my to-do list with things that make my heart sing. There’s still work to be done, but that’s the easy part. The hard part will be truly learning how to live differently and remain in a state of gratitude and exploration. But, if I take this leap, I’ve got a chance to live differently and more richly than I ever thought possible. In a way, it’s like the decision I made three years ago to change my life. Tonight, without me recognizing I was even coming to this crossroads, I find myself here. Before, I chose simple peace and I don’t – and won’t – leave that behind. Instead, I add gratitude and exploration to that simple peace. It’s going to take discipline to break all of my old habits. But this feels so right and it feels like my next “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity.
Simple peace. Gratitude. Exploration.
It’s time for quiet adventures.
The Yuppie Homesteader 