A few friends have expressed their anxiety lately. The issues run the gamut of the usual – kids, jobs, spouses, pets, houses – and the 2020-version of “usual”, i.e., the pandemic. In the meantime, I’ve been coming out of my own bout of anxiety. Again, all for the usual reasons and the unusual reasons. Yet, I find myself back on the road and pulling into the driveway of my Simple Peace. Why?
Well, it appears that while there is no magic bullet for me, there is – and here’s that word again – a “simple” solution. As I begin the exit from a two-week vacation, I’m coming back in a good place. I’m content again. It wasn’t just the vacation that flipped the switch, but it certainly helped. More, it was the slow slog I took back to simplicity that always – and I mean always – does the trick.
When I’m in the height of my anxiety, I have to admit that I resist the simplicity. I’m so anxious, so keyed up and so on the edge of control that my “fight or flight” instinct is super strong. Actually pursuing simplicity to me seems counterintuitive. For example, in February when my husband and I discussed me reducing my work status to 75% time from 80% time, the solution seemed pointless to me. It wasn’t going to be enough of a break. Instead, I was willing to blow up my life. Potentially go to 60% time, which would mean a 20% loss of income and the loss of health insurance benefits or take a three-month leave of absence. I felt like something more drastic was needed. I couldn’t see the potential problems or additional stresses those things could have. Instead, I was ready to just run away.
Conversely, when he gently encouraged me to get some sort of physical exercise each day and to also take some time to calm my mind down, I was a little irritated. The last thing I needed, I thought, was one more obligation on my plate. Finally, even though I knew it had to be done, I resisted my own urge to get off of social media, quit checking my email and stop scrolling through my phone. It was an escape, I’d argue with myself. But it was an escape that was winding me up.
So, what did I do?
Despite my own resistance and maybe with the idea that I had to try something, I put down the phone again and started walking each day. Within two weeks, I felt better. A little more calm. Work was still out of control – I had too many clients and too many little projects – but I was starting to calm down just a bit. Then, I had a client need the majority of my time for two months. That slowed down the noise considerably and just as I was calming down from the height of my anxiety, the noise reduction allowed me to look around and realize good things were happening.
Eventually, I was able to switch my focus off of work to things that are truly more meaningful to me. My niece’s wedding, my other niece’s new house, time spent with my husband and sisters, an upcoming vacation which was part staycation and part a trip to the mountains, and finally, our future renovations which will complete the downstairs of our house.
Today, I am back in a good place. I am back to that simple peace just as we turn the corner into my absolute favorite time of the year. The fruits of our labor are starting to be yielded in the garden. The garlic, a few onions and banana peppers and one lone tomato have come in, but the plants are loaded. As part of my staycation, I did a deep clean of the house and thankfully, the yard has stopped the out-of-control growing that was requiring it to be mowed twice a week. Life is turning into those last hazy, lazy days of summer and me with it.
On the drive home from vacation, we discussed slowing down the pace of our life. Recommitting to the idea that the best way to go through life is not by living vacation to vacation but by building a life you don’t have to escape from. And the best way to build a life you don’t have to escape from is finding those things your soul really needs and providing it.
For me, I hate discord and uncertainty. I crave routine and serenity. I love the simplicity of hanging clothes on the line, picking tomatoes from my garden, gathering wild blackberries and making our home a soft, quiet and welcoming place to land. I love campfires in the back yard and looking for the Perseids meteor shower in August, making my own marinara in October when it’s cold outside and using the stove helps to heat up the house. I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner from scratch, going out to the tree farm and cutting down our own Christmas tree and doing a jigsaw puzzle in the winter months. I hate the snow and love me a little one-week escape to the sunshine in March just to feel the promise of summer, but there’s nothing more spectacular than watching the leaves pop out in May, knowing that by Memorial Day they will be in full bloom. I am saddened that the years go by too fast now and I want to savor every moment, make real memories and prepare for the day when I look back on my life, hoping that I will have been present in the moment and not scrolling through my cell phone.
Today, we are going on a Saturday hike. One of our pledges from vacation was to make the time to do the healthy things that we both enjoy and that quiet our minds and souls so that we are actually making memories and not just letting moments pass us by. We’ll make home-made pizza for dinner tonight from my canned sauce and the fruits of our garden with fresh basil and banana peppers. We will wake up tomorrow morning to check the progress of our garden. We will rub kitty bellies, pick up around the house, and perhaps do a little work as we both prepare for busy workweeks ahead.
For me, I will take the metaphoric keys to the vehicle I drive when I go out disrupting my own sense of simple peace and I will hang them up. I will fight harder to stay here in this peaceful existence. I spent nearly two years here at a time after I lost my mother and when my sister had cancer. The joy I found in the simple peace I had built allowed me to live my life not waiting for the other shoe to fall as my sister recovered. The pandemic stole my sense of peace, but I now realized that I allowed it to. I am back in that peaceful spot and more determined than ever to not just enjoy these moments but to make the investments in peace, tranquility, healthy living and simplicity that I need to embrace to stay here.
Simple peace has been the saving grace of my life. It is my touchstone and my compass. I am so grateful.
The Yuppie Homesteader 