It was a gradual change that my life went through when I decided to declutter, routinize and generally calm things down. It was not just one thing that brought my life back into order but a series of things. Darryl’s accident, losing my mom, my sister’s illness, renovations, and even having pets for the first time since I was a child. The cumulative effect of the many different pulls of my life made me realize two incredibly valuable things: 1) professionally, I had nothing else to prove and 2) personally, I needed less messages, more quiet time and fewer items on my “to do” list to be truly happy.
Today, the things that make me happy are the simplest of things: a good cup of coffee in the morning, my sweet, sweet pets greeting me when I get up, making dinner with my husband, spending time with our families and watching the seasons go by from our little vantage point on our wannabe-farm. I enjoy the satisfaction I get from having a clean house (hint: I don’t have one of those right now) and from drying clothes on the clothesline. I could spend hours – and I do – flipping through canning books. I enjoy decorating my house and after the occasional margarita, decorating our cats. (They hate it, but we have little ears for each season for them.) There’s nothing better than a glass of wine in front of the fire at the end of the day – whether it be the outdoor campfire or the indoor fireplace. And let’s be honest: who doesn’t love to crawl into a freshly made bed with clean sheets? It’s the best night of sleep all week!
But here’s the thing: I think these things are largely universal. Maybe everyone doesn’t love coffee in the morning and I suspect that few people hang out clothes. But simple joys? I think those are the things we all crave. If you consider that the Hallmark channel has made an entire lineup out of movies celebrating love and simple joys, it reinforces my opinion.
I think sometimes as humans we make our lives too complicated. We allow too much in that doesn’t need to be there. I remember being a CEO and oftentimes leaving my office at the end of the workday and realizing I hadn’t achieved a single thing that day. Instead, I had spent the day in 10, 15 or even 20 different head spaces, many of it unnecessary. As humans, we are also connected to our TVs and our phones, seeking messages that will distract us from our real lives. I’m the first to admit that I flip on HGTV and end up killing an hour when I had intended to spend just a few minutes watching while I folded clothes. And don’t you dare post about a pet needing adoption on my Facebook feed because I’m all over that. (My husband actually warned me to stop sharing those or we will have a menagerie of pets.)
And then it hits me – again – that these are all self-inflicted wounds. I’m choosing not to just distract myself but to bring more messages and more headspaces into my life. Yet, if I shut it down and I avoid all of the distracting temptations, amazing things happen. My general satisfaction with life goes up, my heart rate slows down. I have time for exercise and extra kitty belly rubs. My house gets and stays cleaner. I connect more with those I love. And I am more kind, more thoughtful and exponentially more at peace.
So, I “rubber band” this issue of simplicity. I sometimes fall back into bad habits and go seeking distraction. Then, I catch myself and I bring myself back to the present and my real life. These days, I do much better with the real life and less with the distractions. I definitely need to stop with the pet sharing – I swear he’s not kidding – but I am also spending time being present. It helps that my niece has a house she needs to decorate, we have a garden that is beginning to bear fruit and I have my own renovations to plan for.
And it works. In the past several months, my general satisfaction with life has continued to rise. After a bumpy year in 2020 with lots of pressures from everywhere, this year is slowly coming into its own. It just thrills me that my nieces are each in turn having the year of their lives and that my sister and husband are seeing hope in their respective recoveries. I’m supper happy that my husband is now getting that rare opportunity to choose from multiple offers for his next career move. Me? I’m also getting exactly what I needed and what I need: a slow, gradual return to quiet and normalcy. Calm thoughts, established routines, time for rumination and new recipes and a very slow, unhurried cup of coffee each morning.
And I remind myself that simplicity is really a choice. When I was a CEO, I would have argued until we were both exhausted that I “couldn’t simply choose” simplicity. That instead, my lot in life was to be responsible, vigilant, dedicated and always on point. There was no room for simplicity, even if I craved it. I would have reasoned and convinced myself – if not you – that a was a responsibility junkie and as such, there was no changing who I was.
I look at the person I was and the person I am today and I recognize both people. I also like and admire each of them. But I am so ridiculously proud of the person I am today. I have nothing to show society for the peace that I have achieved. The fancy title is gone, the outward recognition is diminished and as a consultant, I’m merely a facilitator for someone else’s great deeds. Many would see a “has been.” Me? I see someone who is connected to her life more than she has ever been. Who builds at least 1-2 good memories each week. I’m someone who can plan to do simple things like creating a grocery and dinner schedule to maximize our meals. I have time to ruminate on paint colors and how to make my own ketchup from our garden yield. It’s not a wrench to make time to play board games with my family or to take on an extra task to make my husband’s life easier.
In short, I am just me. Hopefully kind, but mostly just simple. It takes commitment to shut out the noise and start living your life in a way that’s meaningful to you. But darn, it’s worth it.
The Yuppie Homesteader 