When I started this blog, what struck me as important was that I had the opportunity to redefine who I was. I didn’t have to be a career girl or a CEO anymore. I could – for the second time in my life – redetermine my future. What then happened over the course of the four years when I moved from CEO to consultant – even a somewhat part-time consultant – was that I reverted to old habits. Who was I? Sadly enough, I was still that country girl trapped in a career girl’s life.
In retrospect, I realize that I slipped backwards because it was comfortable and what I knew – career girl, as demanding and largely unfulfilling as it was – was what I understood. Thankfully, in the past four years, I had made progress back to that country girl, though. My clothesline was in regular use and my garden produce filled an entire set of canning shelves and two freezers. But instead of trading one busy life for another, I did what all over-achievers do: I just added in the second busy life and tried to juggle.
So, for all that you may have read this blog up until now, fair warning: it was all true and it was all a lie. Parts of my life were slower and parts were more focused on home, but not nearly enough. And that’s how I found myself here: overworked, overtired and still seeking some of that balance that I was seeking nearly five years ago. This time? Well, I am definitely older, hopefully a little wiser and I have cut out yet another day in my work schedule to try and create that home-focused capacity I need.
So as they say, here we go again!
Let me start with defining what my true priorities are. Genuinely, while I’m pretty good at what I do and I still derive some satisfaction with it, it no longer holds the shiny appeal that it once did. I’m not that young gun, anymore. I’m that 50-something that the young guns are waiting out, hoping I’ll retire early so they can get a shot. While there is a small part of me that looks at them just a tiny bit wistfully and remembers what it was like to have all that energy, there’s a much larger part of me that is taking my arm, sweeping off the contents of my desk haphazardly into a box, grabbing a wedding picture off of the credenza behind me and my “World’s Greatest Boss” coffee mug and muttering, “I’m outta here,” as I brush past him or her with a cheery smile.
Instead, I genuinely do prioritize my husband, family, friends, home and a laid-back country life. It’s not that it is an easier life by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it’s mostly harder. It is certainly easier to stop by the farmer’s market and grab some cucumbers and tomatoes vs. starting your own seeds, planting, weeding, watering and then, finally, harvesting. Yet, it is the mere fact that you have to do so many tasks and on Mother Nature’s time schedule that slows me down. And slowing me down? That helps this super Type A personality slow down her mind and actually start breathing a little easier.
At this time of year, I find that I am especially grateful to be starting over with this whole “work-life” balance thing. Notwithstanding a two-year pandemic that has finally ebbed, life just means more when you have time to enjoy simple pleasures. What lies ahead of me is a potentially very simple summer of gardening, hanging out clothes, finishing up remodeling projects and enjoying a beverage – adult or otherwise – on the back deck in the sunshine. I am looking forward to fixing many of the things that a very busy household just can’t keep up with.
One of the key fixes I can’t wait to do is to get my grocery bill under control. As yuppie homesteaders, we do grow a lot of our own food. But, we also waste a lot of groceries because cooking from scratch with fresh herbs, vegetables and meats means that if you only need a little of one thing, the remainder can easily go bad in the refrigerator until you have occasion to use it again. In slowing down, I hope to make better use of that bunch of cilantro that currently has a high risk of being composted or in freezing leftovers such as chicken or ham for use in gumbo or red beans.
Another key fix is to keep the house under control. Again, as two homesteaders who work from home, this house gets a lot of use, particularly the kitchen. The result? By Thursday, it’s generally understood that the wheels will have fallen off around here. I can typically keep up Friday through Monday, but around Tuesday, it starts to pile up. One day of the dishwasher not being unloaded in a timely fashion or leftovers just being shoved into the refrigerator begins the backlog that by Thursday evening amounts to dishes by the sink and a full ‘fridge.
Then, there is the buying of groceries themselves. Because we primarily use fresh ingredients, shopping one day a week will get us nowhere. We run out of items mid-week and, for me, I start eating poorly. If I want to get my menopause/pandemic weight under better control, eating better will be a primary factor to success. Eating better relies on keeping up with the grocery shopping.
And then, there is the big stumbling block: the yard. We mow over an acre of grass and we have six total acres. There is a carefully managed drainage system that takes runoff water from the hill behind us down through our property and away from our house that has to be maintained. There are five wooded acres that have two season’s worth of blown down trees to be harvested. We have about 500 row feet of garden to plan and maintain. On top of everything else, there are two batteries’ worth of spin trimming that has to be done twice per month to keep the house from looking abandoned and keep the garter snake population under control.
So, the upshot here is that there is plenty to do. But perhaps most importantly, the things there are to do are the things that re-center me and allow me to be the country girl I am at heart. One of the successful things I did when I first traded in my career for a life was that I transitioned out of suits and skirts to shorts and jeans. Even when I do my “summer” or “winter” restocks, it’s all about shorts and t-shirts or jeans and sweaters. In no other more profound way, that defines who I am. I don’t think twice about getting up in the morning and donning a pair of shorts and a t-shirt in summer. In winter, jeans and a comfy sweater are my regular gear. The lack of business clothes helps to keep me centered in a way that is both tangible and intangible. Tangible in that one only has to look down to realize they are NOT in work clothes; intangible in that there is something a pair of jeans does for your psyche that an endless parade of mindful meditation Youtube videos can’t.
In starting over, I have come to a few not-so-brilliant revelations that at least feel brilliant to me. The first is that we all have the chance to start over at any time and in any circumstances. No, we all don’t get to reduce our workload by a third again and it feels a bit arrogant not to acknowledge the incredible opportunity I’ve been given. But the chance to start over isn’t predicated on a reduced work schedule. I could have shifted my mind and my priorities without “more time.” The reduced time is merely a convenience. I am super grateful for it, but it’s a convenience. However, as I’ve probably reduced all I can until I eventually retire, there is a valuable lesson learned for me: when I slip back into my comfortable habits, I simply need to stand back, take stock and commit again to change.
The second not-so-brilliant revelation is that even though I felt like I had strayed so far from the country girl I wanted to be, I had effectively made some important changes in my life. Sometimes, it’s easier to look at how far you have left to go vs. how far you have come. I’ll try to remember to do that the next time.
And the final not-so-brilliant revelation is that I am squandering precious minutes, hours, days and weeks not focusing on the real things that are important to me. Every time I fall back into what is comfortable but doesn’t respect the person I want to be, I am cheating everyone but mostly myself. Every time I recommit to this new lifestyle, I honor the things that are most important to me. So, as much as I fear a cycle of wash, rinse, repeat, I also know now that I need to stay engaged on changing my life. For every day that I take the easier but more chaotic road, I lose the chance to enjoy that day in a simpler, more wholistic lifestyle.
So, this is me. The girl in jeans who hangs out her clothes, makes dinner from scratch and mows her grass impossibly short to deter garter snakes. I haven’t worn makeup since my wedding eight years ago and I don’t plan on starting anytime soon. I’ve got an order of fresh crew neck t-shirts in my cart from Gap to fill out my summer wardrobe and I own a painting/home improvement wardrobe that would astound you. I like outdoor bonfires in summer and indoor fireplace fires in winter. I’ve got three cats and all are spoiled rescues. I make a mean strawberry jelly and my dill pickles have a bit of a cult following. I insist every year is going to be “the year” that I do container gardens on the back porch and I lose interest by the end of June. My lists have lists and my to do lists have sub-items. I am careening through this thing called life mostly by the seat of my pants and without a real sense of how to keep it all together.
But, in all the disorganization of my life, there is the truth to who I am: a simple country girl who wants nothing more than the time to watch the grass grow and to stare up at the clouds until they form a figure that makes sense to me.
Welcome to my reinvention… again.
The Yuppie Homesteader 