Today, I officially change my FTE status. In true serendipitous fashion, I also wouldn’t have worked today anyway. Ever since I shifted to my earlier version of part-time, I do not work on Fridays. Today, I go down to just a tad over half-time. After making that decision on Christmas Eve, six months of planning, one delay and a slew of last-minute maneuverings, I made it. I’m here, I know where ALL of my billable hours are coming from through the end of the year and it’s now time to just dial everything back.
Right now, I’m not sure what to feel. That seems weird because I should be elated and, generally, I would say I am very happy. But, the house is a bit messy – I was gone for two days as I flew down to North Carolina to drive back with my sister – and I’ve got that out-of-sorts feeling I always get when I travel. It will be fine, I know. It may take me a bit of today just to get my sea legs back. I don’t sleep well when I travel and I end up being a little exhausted when I get home. Plus, I somehow expected this day to be full of sunshine and blue skies and it’s overcast. Still, we desperately need the rain and perhaps the overcast day is exactly what I truly need.
So, this is it. This is what my new life is going to look like. It’s a lot like the old life in some ways and vastly different in others. As I take stock, I did a bad thing and peeked at my emails. And then, I immediately felt pressure that it was going to be hard to establish boundaries with my professional obligations as I had an email asking me if I would participate in a big project. My first thought was: “I’m going to have to gently impose my boundaries on them.” My second thought? “They/them” weren’t the problem; I was the one checking my emails.
So, I think I’ve got a lot to learn, honestly. I’ve read some articles that describe the process of redrawing one’s work/life balance lines. In almost every one, there is a discussion of how difficult it can be. The fact remains, you established boundaries with work previously and those around you understood your boundaries. If you were a workaholic, you demonstrated over and over again that it was okay to ask you to join a project, take on an extra task, answer emails at night, on weekends, on vacation… etc. Now, you were going to need to go back and redraw those lines. And honestly? The articles were pretty clear: it was the person seeking to redraw the lines that was going to have the biggest challenges. It’s too easy to say yes to one project because you know you’ll do a good job and you really do have the time or yes to another because it’s a center of influence in your professional world asking you to do it. Redrawing your work/life balance lines takes the same amount of discipline, people skills and foresight that allowed you to become a good leader. Now, you just had to apply that to your own life.
So, when I recover from this trip – which is likely not going to be today – I’m going to have to do some serious thinking about how I redraw my lines. My new “out of office” messages were a very good start, but honestly? I just re-read them to make sure I didn’t need to “soften” them a bit. Not a good start. Thankfully, I recalled the articles I just read and didn’t change a word.
But it’s the personal interactions where I’m going to have trouble. I’m more likely to say yes than no. But that’s where I intend to apply some of the mental tricks one of the articles above suggested. Each time I get put into a position where it doesn’t seem like a big deal to say yes although it will be sacrificing my new life, I’ll focus on the choice I’m really making. Instead of saying yes because it’s a small bucket of extra hours, I need to consider from where I’m taking those hours. Is it from a home project that I’ll have to delay? Or from making dinner for my little family for a few nights? Letting the house or yard go? Or disrupting my sense of calm? If I can compare what yes means to what I’ll be giving up, it will make it much easier for me to fairly evaluate the “offer” and to understand the real cost of a “yes”. In turn, that will make it easier to say no.
And so, it finally begins. The out of office goes on beginning Tuesday (I’m off through Monday). My tasks for the next four days are completely family oriented. At some point, I need to take care of house and yard work. There are a few meals to be made and a few side dishes for a much smaller Fourth of July party. My sister and I are thinking of picking cherries this weekend.
I know that there will be challenges ahead in learning to set and keep my boundaries. But, I am ready. I need just a little quiet to get me there. A few easy days without much expectation. A nice, calm and romantic dinner out with my husband (no dishes!), for my house to get cleaned up and my routine to gradually get established.
I did it. I made it to the end. I’ve got my hands on my hips, I’m breathing hard, my face is flushed and I’m sweating. But I finished the race. I ended with as much grace as I could muster and as I look back, I’m proud of myself.
Now, I turn the page.
The Yuppie Homesteader 