Each night, we have a ritual. As we sit down to eat and possibly enjoy a drink, we each name the three things we are grateful for that day. The practice is rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy. By forcing yourself to consider the things that you are either happy about or that went well that day, you retrain yourself to focus on the positive. Particularly for us, it serves as a transition between our workday and our home life. It’s a signal that as bad as the workday may have been, it’s now time to close that chapter of the day and focus on the rest of our lives.
But in November, this process of giving thanks takes on extra meaning for me. While I’m a huge holidays fan, Thanksgiving was always “my holiday” to host. Over the years, I’ve taken pride in making Thanksgiving absolutely fabulous from everything made from scratch, to locally sourced turkeys, to wine pairings and beyond, the holiday is an outlet for not just my homemaking interests but as a tangible way to truly give thanks. And that process of deeply reflecting and offering genuine gratitude now extends far beyond the actual date.
Today, for example, is a rather typical but busy day. I’ve got three calls and one project to do. It would be incredibly easy for me to get distracted by the day-to-day grind and simply not look up to see the multitude of gifts that I receive every day. And yet, in November, I’m reminded not just to think of three small things I’m grateful for each day, but to think of the big things that make my everyday life more than I could have ever asked for.
The point of this blog post is not for me to enumerate those things I’m truly grateful for here: we all have our own list and our individual lists are as valuable and as important as anyone else’s list. Instead, it’s about how I intend to practice that gratitude.
The first thing is kindness. Every person I meet gives me the opportunity to be kind. It doesn’t need to be much – a smile, letting someone in front of me in line, holding a door, saying thank you. There will be big opportunities as well, particularly with loved ones. Complimenting someone’s effort, doing a favor, picking up a little something that would bring someone else joy and just being a non-judging, sympathetic ear allows me to be the person someone else may need that day. Even with the furry ones, talking in the right tone of voice, taking time to give each one individual attention and providing each furry affection in the manner he or she truly likes it (Meadow likes her belly rubs, Dops loves his head scratched) is comforting and reassuring to them. These are the ways I can demonstrate gratitude through kindness.
The next demonstration of gratitude comes through generosity. Again, no one is looking for wild, grand gestures. In fact, that often has a rebound effect – making the receiver feel awkward or uncomfortable. Instead, it’s still the small things: making time to check in on someone, adjusting plans to help out a friend or family member, or just being there and present when someone needs to talk. One thing we always do as a group of sisters is to have our family adopt another needy family for the holidays. Beyond ensuring that each child has a few “fun” and a few necessary gifts (clothes, coats, etc.), we also provide the extras for a week off of school: the fixings for Christmas dinner, breakfast supplies, easy lunch supplies, fresh fruit and some basic home staples. And then, we make sure Mom, Dad, Gramma or whoever makes up the nuclear family has a gift or two to open. When we want children to believe in the magic of Christmas, it’s somewhat foolish to think that they don’t notice that Mom or Dad didn’t have anything to open. We make sure that doesn’t happen.
And finally, my expression of gratitude involves caretaking. Honestly, this is the gift I give that exponentially gives back to me. I genuinely derive no greater satisfaction in this world than in caring for those I love. Sometimes it feels like I was born in the wrong era because I would have been a fabulous 50s housewife. I love homemaking for my family, cooking great dinners every night and caring for the four furry ones who run our lives. I love when the house feels calm, clean and comfortable. I definitely go overboard at Thanksgiving, but when family arrives and the meal has been completed to perfection with a nice complimenting wine selection, a plethora of homemade pies for dessert and the house decorated for the holiday season, it feels like my gift to them. And I just love it.
This year, after a year when I have personally been given so very much, it feels more important than ever that I reflect on my gratitude and demonstrate thankfulness. As I watch our littlest one stretch out on the rug and look up at me with his incredibly sweet and trusting ice-blue eyes, I am filled with deep, intrinsic happiness. Our lives are not perfect nor easy nor strife-free. But it is eye-wateringly beautiful.
And for that, I am grateful.
The Yuppie Homesteader 