Day 3.

So, it’s day three of my gift of a year. Not much has changed from day two… at least on the outside. Honestly, if you were to look around my house right now you would have one thought: chaos. By looks alone, it feels like we’ve gone backward. That’s because there’s currently 600 square feet of flooring sitting patiently in stacks in my dining room. My dining room table (with both leaves removed) is propped up against the fireplace room wall and the dining room chairs are scattered throughout the house. Yep, the start of my gift of a year coincides with our last big indoor renovation project of laying hardwood floors upstairs. My timing is, ahem, perfect? (And yes, that is a question.)

On the inside, though, the changes are real. The quiet time of the last 24 hours away from my job have let me process even more than the first 24 hours. So, at the start of day three, I’m both more confident and more resolute: it’s time for a change.

I’ve heard the armchair philosophers of the world often say that making the decision is the biggest step and everything falls into place after that. I call phooey on that. Yes, making the decision is absolutely essential: it’s much easier to bounce around and not commit to change. But easy after that? I’m thinking not so much. I keep telling myself I have transferable skills: I’m a trained writer, a project manager, a self-taught finance person and a creative thinker. But reality? Who wants to pay for those somewhat universal skills?

Still, a girl’s gotta dream. And that’s where I am today. I’m a dreamin’.

On my list of dreams of who I could be, there are a number of amazing things. A writer – I’ve written one novel and I’m about three chapters into a second one. (The second one is much better, if I have to say so myself.) A home interior/decorator. I did a good job on my house admittedly, but this is probably not my future path and a bit unrealistic. A homesteading blogger. Umm, I’m kinda already that and believe me, it doesn’t pay.

Even as I dismiss most of these dream jobs as being largely unrealistic (and that’s okay, it’s my time to dream), it resonates with me that I want my next life to be more creative. I did the business, finance and health care route. I spent nearly 30 years there. Now, I’d like the girl who dreamed of being a professional writer or a dancer or an artist to get her shot.

And then there is the practical side… .

Part of me genuinely gets that the next path forward is largely going to be back in the business world where I understand the transactional nature of work. I do this and you pay me that. That makes super sense to me and it’s how I am used to operating. In a lot of ways, it’s so much more comfortable than taking a chance on being creative.

Still, I’m in what I now call my “self listening” phase. I have 363 more days to go. I have time to go from dreaming to actualizing. I have time to give up being creative for being practical. I have time to run the numbers, evaluate the risks and run the numbers again.

Today? I’m listening to my heart. And because it hasn’t been listened to in awhile, I’m just letting it ramble. It really just wants to be heard. In the end, my head may still win and I’ll chose some reliably boring and pedantic next life that pays well and eliminates risk. But for now? The heart gets to dream. While it is dreaming, both it and my spirits are soaring.

And you know what? That’s enough today. After an incredibly difficult and stressful week, just letting my heart ramble on while my head takes a well-deserved break feels pretty good right now.