So, technically, today is only Day Four of my gift of a year. I’ve already vacillated quite a bit. Should I just stay and give in? Do a little more quiet quitting, reduce my time even more? Should I just suck it up and realize that if I stay, life is predictable if not frustrating? I mean, seriously? Whoever gets to work their dream job?
Believe it or not, as much as I am rooting for the person who wrote the above to keep following her dreams, that paragraph makes a lot of sense. Genuinely, I don’t hate what I do; I’m just completely uninspired by it. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to just ride it out.
Still, the call… .
I want so much more out of these last productive years of my life. After a recent serious health scare for a family member, I’m back in the place where I look at the transaction between my time and money and, well, the value of my time has increased significantly over money. Regrets are simply not worth the safety of a steady paycheck sometimes.
And now you see the vacillation, right? It makes sense, too. Choose between dreams and reality; soul satisfaction and safety. Ugh. Between us kids, I can say I’m kinda confident I’ll go the safety route. That’s just what I do.
But in the meantime, within this year, I am gifting myself the opportunity to dream. Inherent in that opportunity is to give some head and heart space to trying to make those dreams come true. And in the meantime, I need to focus on this life I want outside of work. In the end, that’s all that matters.
My sisters and I now have this gig that on Friday afternoons, we had to our local state park to hit the cross country ski trails. Candidly, it’s the best place to ski around and if you’re in Western New York and want a little cross-country adventure, head to Allegany State Park’s Art Roscoe area for some skiing. It’s absolutely fabulous there and within 15 minutes of putting on your skis, it feels like you are lost in the woods on a well-groomed trail that will safely lead you out. So, you get to enjoy the beauty of nature, the occasional other skiing and some good exercise and conversation. Afterwards, we head to the warming hut where my sister always has a little crockpot of something good for us to share and I provide the accoutrements of drinks and healthy snacks.
In so many ways, it’s the perfect ending to any week. After all of the predictable noise and chaos in my week, the drive to the state park takes its typical path of winding roads to the highway just west of our house. But on that very first exit off the highway? Well, that’s when my pulse starts to slow. I take that left turn off the exit ramp and head up State Park Road. Past the gate house that is shuttered for the winter. The higher I climb, the more snow there is on the side of the road, assuring me that yes, there will be enough snow. The racing thoughts in my mind seem to melt away. A mere five minutes later and I pull into the parking lot, piled high with snow on each side to make a place to park. Typically, I want 2-3 minutes for my sisters to show. Enough time to don my ski pants, get my cross-country boots on and unpack my car a bit. Enough time to feel my pulse slow that tiny bit more.
Then, we hit the trails. And somewhere around that first quarter mile, all of my work stress and drama seems to melt away. I mean, cell phones don’t even work out in the woods and even if they did, no one could hear them tucked into our pockets.
The course itself, aptly named Sweetwater, takes us just over an hour to finish. Then, we snack before going home. It’s not much – just an afternoon escape – but it caps the workweek and kicks off the weekend.
As I gear up for my gift of a year, it was a really good start to the first week of self-exploration. Out there in the woods, anything was possible. And as anything was possible, one thing became clear: of all of my dreams, I want to be a writer. Since I was nine and wrote my first short story, I’ve wanted to tell stories. Characters and moments move me.
Does this gift of a year mean making time to write? I ask myself. If I could commit, could I finish that book even with all of the noise in my life? And if I can’t, does it make sense to take a leave of absence and trade just a little money for both time and opportunity? My husband says its fine to do but with him working so much, is that really fair?
Oh, these thoughts on week one of my year… they are a bit overwhelming and scattered. But I have to imagine these thoughts are also common to anyone dreaming with me. So, let’s have it. If you gave yourself the gift of a year, what would you do?
The Yuppie Homesteader 