Earlier this week, I effectively stepped back from my firm beginning in the middle of March. While I will still periodically do some work for them, in just over a month’s time, I’ll be on my own. After 39 years of working for others, I will finally work for myself. It’s both scary and exciting. But here’s the deal: I am finally ready to take a chance.
So, how did I get here? It actually started in October. I ended up working crazy hours in October and November to build up the billable hours so I could take time off in December AND hit my target. That meant a lot of client travel, sleepless nights (I can’t sleep alone in a hotel) and weekend/afterhours work. Then, in December, the wonderful holiday season I had prepared my life for got chaotic on its own. In January, a family member with a health issue had an initially positive scan. While the scan would later turn out to be benign, the impact left a mark. I was haunted. I had done what I had promised myself when I left my old job as a CEO that I would never do again: I had sacrificed real life for work. And more than that, in making that sacrifice, I had nearly come face-to-face with what would have been my biggest regret: not being there during the good times.
And so, I thought about leaving and working for myself. By taking the chance to go out on my own, I could manage my own schedule, work less and make sure I kept home and family the focus of my life.
The more I thought about it, the more the time seemed right. Darryl and I are finally going on a long-awaited honeymoon in March. That trip seemed to signal me that it would be the perfect ending to an employed career and the perfect start to self-employment. I talked with family and friends. Would I really be able to make it? Was it smart to gamble half of my family’s income? Should I even contemplate the risk?
That’s when my amazing husband stepped in and showed me a silly meme. It was someone standing in front of a chalkboard with two circles drawn on it. In one smaller circle, it read: “Your comfort zone.” In a larger circle set a little distance away, it said: “Where the magic happens.” His point was clear: step out of your comfort zone and the magic just may happen.
And so I took the chance. It is one of the few times in my life that when I took a bold action, I had no emotional response. The moment I hit “send” on that email, I felt nothing. No relief and no sadness. It was like I was suspended in air. Half of a week later, I’m still a little sad but I’m glad I did it. I will miss everyone immensely, but this wasn’t a capricious act on my part. I’ve got a bit of a cash cushion, some residual work with my firm and the potential of a federal grant writing opportunity that would give me a quick launch. Yet, nothing is guaranteed and I know it. Still, as I look forward, I finally get it: after years of taking the easy route to try and find “simple peace,” it was time to take that less traveled path that Robert Frost assured us would be worth it. By taking a chance, I open myself up to the opportunities that working for myself truly affords.
In the end, the timing truly is perfect. My residual work will wind down through April, leaving me free to really dig into my new life by the time summer hits. Starting in mid-March, I can in earnest get crackin’ on finding my own work to set myself up. My goal is to hopefully work about half of the time I was when I was at my firm. Looking forward, I can envision a summer where I have more time for all of the things that make our lives work: homemaking, yard and garden care, and keeping this little family on an even strain so that we have the time for lots of extracurriculars such as hiking, going to the Lake and watching the evening stars.
Simple peace for me has always been the ultimate goal, before anyone got sick or anyone needed additional support. In the end, I’ve also never been that financially motivated. Because we live simply, we really don’t need much and what we have is paid for, reducing the need for us to make any debt service.
This step towards working for myself wasn’t an easy one to take. It is fraught with everything one can imagine, but mostly with the acute fear of failure. My firm is so amazing that they are leaving the door open for me to come back and that little bit of a safety net is a lifeline, honestly. But, it’s time to go forward, get out of my comfort zone and find the magic. On this snowy, February morning with the fireplace crackling and a sleepy kitty curled up in front of it, it doesn’t strike one as a scene where bold things have happened recently. But it is. And honestly, I am so proud of myself.
The Yuppie Homesteader 