All things calm and quiet.

It’s time to begin anew.

I had originally typed, “In a few weeks, my new life begins.” But after some serious thinking, I will correct that: my new life begins. No “in a few weeks” for me. As much as these next few weeks are the end of the end, they are also the beginning of the beginning. As I unwind my old professional life, I also begin to start my new family-focused life.

And it starts in this moment. No more waiting, no more daydreaming. Instead, in a hopefully awkward but yet strangely graceful act of acceptance, I start my new life today. My first act? Honoring what is to come.

Today, I did a lot of the usual – client work, sending out emails, finishing up projects. But normally, this would be when I would start new work – sending out new emails, inquiring about new projects. Instead? I sorted laundry. Yep, that was my big new task today. I need to wash up a bunch of summer clothes for our vacation in a few weeks and I decided to get that done so I have a clear handle on what I need to pack, what size suitcases we need, etc. Tomorrow, I expect will be more of the same workwise – client work, finishing up projects. But then? Well again, I will get the chance to pivot and focus on home. Tomorrow’s big gig? I’m thinking it will be to clean the fireplace room well after a spate of cold weather left some lingering wood chips scattered around to become kitty toys.

As much as I’ve dreamed of this moment when I can slow life to a crawl, I can admit to being all clumsy and gauche about it. I’ll be honest here: I don’t really know how to act. But rather than just give in and go back to the crazy because it’s what’s most comfortable, I’m deliberately trying to be conscious about what my new life looks like. Then, hopefully, I can live up to it.

In my new life, I want to put family first but in a whole new way. Since the wheels fell off again in October, I realize that I likely need these next few weeks just to catch life up again. There are projects I fell behind on, daily or weekly tasks I just let slide and a general sense of disorder that I’ve let come to our house. I even broke my cardinal rule: I stopped making the bed everyday. Still, in a true test of learning to live differently, I can do this catch up at a manageable, even pace.

But, here’s the rub: I now need to re-establish order without causing any more chaos. The kitties and I have a little deal around here. When the house gets a little bit out of control, I turn into “crazy cleaning momma”. They typically avoid whatever area I’m in and have been known to sneak under a bed, hide in a drawer and generally avoid me for the whole cleaning episode. That can’t happen anymore. As much as my “crazy cleaning momma” phase gets it all done, that progress comes with a cost to everyone’s peace of mind, not just to the cats (who admittedly are afraid of their own shadows). So, crazy cleaning has to go. Instead, I need to honor my new life by not disrupting the general peace just to get something accomplished. Yes, I’m behind. Yes, the blue Scotch plaid comforter is STILL on the guest bed leftover from Christmas. But no, no one needs to hide in the back of a closet while I furiously try to get it all caught up at once. Instead, I can simply add one extra task a day to the list until I get it done. Step by predictable step. No wild sprints, no more lurching around.

The above is just an example, but it’s a real one of how I need to live my new life. For someone always in a hurry, I need to slow the pace in order to preserve the things I desire most: calm and quiet. Honoring those values while I take care of my family and my tiny new business is what I have dreamed about. To be able to slowly, methodically and deliberately run our lives so that peace and tranquility can reign is a gift I don’t want to squander just for this ingrained need to always produce results. Now, the “how” vs. the “how much” matters more. It’s time for me to truly embrace it.

Looking forward to mid-March and beyond, I expect that my new business will take about 15 hours or so a week. The rest of that time? It will be home and family. And with so much time to keep home and family on an even keel, I anticipate that I will gradually get this whole “how” vs. “how much” concept down much better. I’ll also have more hours to get things done, allowing me to slow the pace, do higher quality work and avoid whole-house disruption. Until then, I give myself permission to be a bit awkward and even to fail and unconsciously bring back the crazy cleaning lady again. As long as I dial it back, recoup and then re-approach my new life with the same intention of calm and quiet that I hope to get out of it.

This is truly the most amazing opportunity I have ever had. Thanks to a supporting husband, the confluence of the right time and the right place and more than a little good luck, I got to be here. Now, I just need to be.