I work for myself.
Just let that sink in. After 39 years of working for others, I work for myself. That’s pretty stinking cool.
I am now past the anxiety and the excited stage. I have settled into the idea that life, somehow, is going to be different. I just have to experience it first. And honestly? Because I agreed to work intermittently until I finish a few projects, the next few weeks may feel like nothing’s really changed. Still, it’s the Ides of March and as Caesar once warned, change is afoot. This time, however, the change is good.
I have to say, it’s been a pretty good month. A trip to Antigua in the West Indies to celebrate our 10th anniversary and quitting my job to work for myself. My cup – like always – runneth over. I have been given way too much in this life and I often feel like I’m just not grateful enough. This month in particular feels like I need to really pause and just be thankful.
I also need to plan. I made this transition to working for myself because as a member of a firm, I kept just a small portion of the fee I generated. Now that I’m a lean and mean solo practitioner, I do get to keep the whole fee, which means I should be able to work considerably less. (I also have to manage my own business and operate without a safety net, so there are downsides here, too.) Mostly today, however, I am focused on how working less will change our lives.
First, there are the obvious ones at home that I’ve talked about ad nauseum. The ability to do more of the routine stuff around the house, creating the opportunity for both of us to have additional leisure time together. That is hugely appealing. This year, we want to do a big garden again, my husband has a marathon on the schedule and we keep talking about actively hiking more. (And my new hiking sneakers from Merrill turned out to be the bomb in Antigua – YAY!) But there is some truly personal benefit to working for myself and as it seems like the “month of me”, I am going to take some time to plan that benefit.
The first thing I want to do is read more. I’ve always been an avid reader until life, and particularly work, got in the way. Now, if it’s not a trade journal, I’m not reading it. I ordered all of James Herriot’s books from Amazon and I am going to methodically and enjoyably read my way through them. A little time reading my way through the Yorkshire dales may be just what the doctor (a vet) ordered.
I also want to paint. More specifically, I took pictures in Antigua and I’d like to paint some of those places. While I’m a complete hack at painting and it’s unlikely that anything I took in Antigua will ever grace a wall (because we wouldn’t want it to), I would like to try and push myself to do a good job. Not only will the experience take me back to where we were both so amazingly happy, but it will be that soothing experience that a rather tightly wound person like myself needs to experience in order to relax.
And finally, I want to pursue some new form of knowledge. I love astronomy and seeing the Southern Cross for the first time (thanks David Crosby!) reignited my love for astronomy. Darryl and I have had some pretty fabulous astronomical evenings together – watching the Perseids and Leonides meteor showers, seeing the Southern Cross, etc. It would be great to explore learning more. We also both love wine and have talked about finding an entry level sommelier class that we could do together. Then, of course, there is learning more about some of the other things that are solely personal interests for me: expanded canning opportunities, making more of the things I love from scratch and even sewing again.
Honestly, it feels like the world is wide open again to me. But I am a bit cautious. I had this same feeling when I “retired” from being a CEO and went to work for my most recent firm. Yet, quickly enough, work swallowed up most of my time and the remaining free time got swallowed up by renovations. This time, it’s really on me to make things different. I am my own boss now. So, I have to manage my own time in a way I’ve never had to before. There are significant new developments in my favor, of course. Renovations are nearly done and I can now work less than half of the time I used to work and make the same amount of money. But again, it’s on me. I have to learn how to live differently.
And I know it’s early days, but… well, I’ve already noticed something different. In the past, when I would have “down time” on my schedule – a large lull between meetings, projects currently on hold, etc. – I would feel guilty if I wasn’t working. So, I would either fritter away that time in guilt, do some uninspiring task that didn’t really move the ball forward or go back and refigure and refigure my billable target to make sure I would stay on track and off of anyone’s radar screen. Now? The time I’m not working and don’t need to work is my own. I can already feel that. The guilt just isn’t there.
In over six years of consulting, I missed my annual target once and that we because there was a worldwide pandemic going on. Yet, I had always worried, felt guilty and basically stressed myself out to the point that part-time wasn’t really part-time. In going to work for myself, I have a target in mind that I’d like to earn, but its just that – a target. Instead of it being potentially a marker that, if not achieved, could lead to bad consequences, the target has become benign. It’s a good goal and a reasonable one at that. Let’s see if I hit it.
So, it gives me hope that I can truly enjoy this experience for what it is. I’m sure in the beginning old habits will die hard, particularly until I start to get busy with my own clients. (No contracts yet, but it is only Day 1. 😊) But I am going to engage in some good cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to remind myself that I don’t have to feel guilty when I’m not working and that pausing to relax and enjoy new pursuits is just as important as earning money.
So, today on the Ides, I officially join the ranks of the sole proprietors. It feels good. And for that, I am so grateful.
The Yuppie Homesteader 