I tend to spend a lot of my time – both emotionally and physically – on the mundane. Dishes, grocery, vacuuming, mowing, kitty care… they all have to be done and my head goes there. This new life that I’ve carved out where I work a few hours most days but then focus on home and family tends to encourage me to veer there. It’s what I do everyday and therefore what I think about.
Today, on day four and the final day of our “heat dome” which has forced us inside in the air conditioning is as good of a day as any day to get back to what my life is really about. In a scene from the Harry Potter series, Harry and his two friends, Ron and Hermione, are navigating another life-or-death experience and Hermione is focused on their exam performance in school as well. Ron looks at Harry and says in amazement, “She needs to get her priorities straight.” So do I, Hermione. So do I.
Life certainly is routine and we should never discount that. For all that we live in a world of influencers and celebrities encouraging us to believe that life is about dressing in ball gowns, jetting to beautiful places and taking Instagram-worthy pictures or a bucolic Saturday morning at the local farmer’s market, that’s not real life. (Carly Simon’s “You’re so vain” is running through my head right now.) Real life is all of the things I tend to focus on. But my priorities? That’s different. That’s about my why.
Nearly 10 years ago today, we got married. At 45 and 47, there was no compelling reason for marriage. We were old enough to live out our lives together without the legal contract if we so chose. There was no chance we were going to have children. But there was an incredible impetus to marriage for us: we wanted to be a family. And being a family is a whole lot more than just a marriage certificate or a big party. It was about creating a life and a culture that is – in the end – uniquely ours. We grow a ridiculous amount of food in our garden and I’m fixated on home renovation and decorating. Those are the extremes of our culture to which we both contribute. But inside of that? We are focused on laughter, supporting each other, enjoying our pets and our lives. We weather the tough times together but periodically we really stop to celebrate the good times.
And that’s what my priorities are. Within this tiny family, it’s about doing the things we do to preserve our way of life. Every now and then, it’s important for me to stop and think about that. Otherwise, I get too caught up in the tasks… dishes, grocery, vacuum, pet care. But if I stop to focus on why we do those things, life has so much more meaning.
Today for me will be a quiet celebration of our life. We both have work to do, I have no clue “what’s for dinner” (which seems like an eternal question), and I’m sure that there is at least one load of laundry to be done. But there are small moments in-between all of those tasks that are worth noticing and embracing. A little kitty snuggle from the littlest one because he’s just plain soft and is always up for a snuggle. A few minutes over dinner highlighting what we are grateful for that day. Some quiet moments all by myself when I’m either “checking the garden” (read: meandering through the garden rows) or admiring my latest decorating project.
In the end, life does actually come down to one’s priorities. I never wanted to be famous or envied. Despite being a CEO, I never wanted to be powerful. Mostly, I wanted a quiet, simple family life. To this day, when I drive home at night and I see light glowing from windows of the houses I drive past, I am filled with just a twinge of envy that there is a family inside enjoying their evening while I am on the road. And when I finally get home to my own house with my own lights streaming from the windows? I’m incredibly grateful for the warmth and safety that lies within. That’s it. It’s not much but it was never intended to be. And for today, at least, I have my priorities straight
The Yuppie Homesteader 