It finally sank in. I woke up this morning after a pretty decent night’s sleep with a very short agenda: do some laundry, clean up the kitchen and make dinner. The pressure of the last four months is off. After a little over a week of cleanup, the pressure of getting our lives back in order is also off. I’ve waited four months for this. In reality, I’ve probably waited about seven years.
It’s not that I want to be lazy. It’s the opposite in fact: I love being productive and we had an amazingly productive weekend after last week’s family-oriented chaos removal (that’s what I call bringing the house and yard back into order). That feels incredibly satisfying and I’m self-honest to admit that I’m addicted to that feeling. But this time? I was also waiting for quiet to reign. Once my life settled a bit, my hope was that my mind could then settle just a little bit, too. Today? It has. Outside, it’s cooler – a mere 50 degrees with light rain. Inside, we need a few soft lamps to help brighten up the house. After a bit of a rough-and-tumble morning for the furries – everybody was a bit playful this morning – each has now retreated to their preferred napping spots. Normally, all this quiet would be my undoing and I’d start to get sad. Right now, I’m at complete peace.
Just for today, the world can go on without me. I plan on hunkering down, reading a book, maybe doing some additional quiet cleaning (because that’s what I do), loving on the pets who adopted us and making dinner. Mostly? I just want to let my thoughts go. Today, they can take a break, too. I don’t need a list of “to-do” items and my email is actually turned off. I’m not going to measure the day’s success by what I accomplish. Instead, today’s success will be measured simply by how I feel. At this moment, quiet reigns.
It occurs to me as I watch a few leaves drift slowly to the ground that this is what I’ve been working for. If I had scripted today, I would have screwed it up. In my mind, the day would have been bright and sunny, Darryl and I would be off together. The house would have needed nothing and laundry would have already been done and dinner would have been a romantic meal out. Yep, if I would have scripted it, it would have been fabulous but not nearly what I needed.
Instead, I needed a day like today. Cool and rainy means I don’t feel the rush to go outside and clean up leaves. A few minor things to do around the house means that I’m not looking for something big to do to make the day count for something. Darryl working means that I will generally keep the house quiet as I appreciate it so much when he does the same for me. Cooking myself means that the evening can wind up at home and no one has to leave the house today. (Well, I need to step outside to pick some basil.) The cosmos, it appears, didn’t listen to me but knew exactly what I needed and I am grateful. Today is exactly what I needed it to be.
And for once, I really have no desire to look forward or look backward. I don’t need to plan for the holidays, which I thoroughly enjoy but it brings about its own set of “to do” items that can create a sense of burden. I also don’t need to relive what was achieved – either this past week or this past decade. That only brings up emotions, both good and bad, that will disturb my sense of calm. Today, I really can just be and I am thoroughly enjoying it.
The Yuppie Homesteader 