So, major turn of events here: it turns out I’m not built for retirement – or at least not yet. Even sabbatical was a little hard. At the end of the day, I feel like I need to use my brain. As fulfilling as taking care of my family is – and it genuinely is – there is a big part of me that still has to satisfy my own curiosity. Work challenges are like puzzles. I take a seemingly impossible task and make it not just possible but probable. There is a high degree of satisfaction in that.
Honestly, who knew? If you had asked me in September, I would have argued that I knew myself and that the part of my life for achievement was over. I was happy sitting on the sidelines and taking care of others so they could achieve. Sure, little things would niggle me – I certainly like the financial freedom that comes with earning money and I do have an expertise that it would have bothered me not to share – but the reward was going to be worth it. Or so I thought in September. Having all of that time to be home and taking care of my family, my furries, our little homestead and our future, was the goal.
And then… .
Well, the rubber truly met the road here. Reality dawned. If I’m completely honest, the house is only minimally better off with me not working than me working part-time. I had already reduced my working schedule so that I had plenty of time to take care of things at home that were important to me and us. Now? Well, at a certain point, it becomes superfluous. There’s really not much more to do. While I’m proud of what we were able to get done outside this fall because I wasn’t working and took care of the lawn, the impact there was also fleeting. Mother Nature always grows back. Finally, I just got bored. With both my husband and my sisters all working, there was no one for me to really pal around with. That left hours all to myself. Genuinely, I needed those hours for a long time. The bees had been buzzing around in my head for such an extended period of time that it took me truly getting out-flat bored before I could settle them down. But now that they are? Well, now I’m just bored. (Although I’m also heartily enjoying the holidays, so there is that. 😊)
Because I like to learn from every experience and I believe self-honesty is a critical trait, I’m trying to plumb the depths of what just happened on my sabbatical and what it means for my future. Here’s where I am today:
- Retirement: I thought I was ready for it but it turns out I was just exhausted and needed a break. In future it’s only an option if I have other retirees to keep me busy. I’m not built for solo retirement, as this sabbatical proved. As much as I hate to admit it, I need people. And needing people means I can’t do this by myself.
- Sabbatical: three months was too long, particularly without buddies. First, it was an extra month of lost wages, which didn’t impact our financial day-to-day, but would have been nice to pocket for some good use – a vacation, new deck, etc. Secondly, while I probably needed the full three months this time to get good and truly bored, in future I don’t plan to go as long or as hard professionally to be in that kind of shape when I take time off. I don’t think it would hurt to shoot for a 6-8 week sabbatical every 2-3 years, but more than that or longer than that would be a waste of time.
- Vacations: this is where I need to focus my time-off strategy. When I was a single girl, I had this down. Every quarter I took a one-week vacation. That kept me fresh, always gave me something to look forward to and did not overly diminish my productivity. Now that I’m an old married lady – in all ways – I’m thinking I still need a vacation every quarter, but possibly at least a few of them extending to 10 days or two weeks. I need the down time to shut off my brain and sink back into a slower pace of life.
And randomly, here are some final notes to my future self:
- I can do retirement, but I need to do a few things to do it successfully. First, I need to have buddies. Secondly, I need to ensure that our financial future is as secure as I can make it. That will allow me to relax and not think about the money I could be giving up.
- Working at 10-15 hours a week is just about perfect for this stage of my life. I get the brain exercise I need and I have the time to do the soul-fulfilling tasks of taking care of my family. Any more than that and I feel my life starting to slip out of control. Any less – for now – and I lose a little of my sense of worth. Eventually, it may be that 8-10 hours a week suits me better and I can adjust then. But being cognizant of what I need to stay personally fulfilled will be key.
- Pacing myself. I went from being a CEO to my “retirement job” of being a nearly full-time healthcare consultant. Even with Fridays off, I didn’t plan that as well as I should have. I always ended up playing catchup. I went from 80% down to 70% then to 60% and finally to being on my own. If I had planned better, I could have started at 60% and endured longer. Part of it is me seeing dollar signs: each step down cost money. The other part was me not being truly honest about the pace I could manage. Today, when I say 10-15 hours, I mean it. There is this little voice in the back of my head that says, “you could do 20…”. It needs to shut up.
- Vacations are important. Antigua was huge for us as a couple. Time off over the holidays is huge for me as a holiday enthusiast. Time off in summer is always highly enjoyable and gives me time with my sisters. Time off in fall is nice when I’m in high canning season. Recognizing my own need for time off is invaluable. For a long time, I ignored that voice that said, “Go have fun.” I’m not ignoring it any longer.
- Finally and this is the big one: I need to slow the pace of my spending. Truth be told, I could retire right now and we could live well enough, particularly as my husband is still working. But I need to stop gratuitously spending. It’s been a wild spending spree – decorating the house after all of the renovations became a bit of a free-for-all. So did Christmas. But now I’m not sure if there is even anything really left for me to spend money on. I want one final thing: a Ryobi snow broom to make clearing the decks and driveways easier when Darryl can’t help me. Other than that? Yep, time to close the wallet and open it only for essentials and for one nice vacation a year. Otherwise, we really don’t need it and that money is best reserved to pay for time off from work.
In all, I am so grateful for this sabbatical. It was eye-opening for me in so many ways. It really helped me to finally unwind. I’m such a high-strung personality that without this extended time off, it would have never happened. It also helped me to plumb the depths of what I really want out of this next decade of my life. Before sabbatical, I would have sworn I was all about retirement. Post sabbatical? I’m all about a new configuration of work/life balance that satisfies more aspects of my personality and our lifestyle. Finally, this sabbatical made it easier for me to clear the backlog at home. As a result, our new rescue has fully integrated, we took care of some downed trees that were slowly going to become compost if we didn’t make use of them, I deep cleaned parts of my house that desperately needed it, I was able to support my husband getting on top of projects by clearing the decks for weekend work and I finished decorating our home so that it is everything we want when we walk in the back door. That’s all done and doesn’t need to be redone. So, the sabbatical set us and me up for success.
But it’s time to go back to work. I’ve got the next three weeks to simply enjoy and indulge. Work is slowing down for my family and as of next Friday afternoon, Darryl will be off with me through the New Year. This will be a wonderful cap to what was truly a fabulous year for us. It was a year of incredible healing and joy, restoring my hope and soothing my somewhat battered dreams. I never want to go back to the dark days of the years prior, but I’m ready to get back to facing the world, being resilient and still making a contribution in whatever small way I can.
Let’s do this.
The Yuppie Homesteader 