Every Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, my mom made sure she did one thing: burn bayberry candles. As a kid, I really didn’t get it. Honestly? I still don’t. She would always say, “A bayberry candle burned to the socket brings love to the home and luck to the pocket.” So, it appears that the act of lighting and burning a set of bayberry taper candles is intended to change one’s fortunes for the coming year. I’m not sure that I buy it, but I will note one thing: I just lit the bayberry candles.
Now, normally, burning the bayberry candles is hit-or-miss for me. Every other year, we are not typically home for Christmas as we travel to my in-laws for the holiday. And the years we are? I don’t always make it a priority. This year? I did. Just like tomorrow when we go for a hike, it will be a priority. Why? The candles remind me of my mom; the hike reminds me of my dad. And in this small way, I can invite them in to celebrate our holiday.
This year is also pretty special. For all of my adult life, I’ve been at someone else’s house on Christmas Eve. (I had to burn my candles on Christmas Day.) Even during the pandemic we traveled and we sat outside at my sister’s house. This year? I’m home. All day, all evening. Tomorrow, we will do the big family Christmas and I’m genuinely looking forward to it. But tonight? It’s just us and the fur babies. And the candles.
Since I decided I wanted to indulge in this tradition this year, I took to my trusty friend – the internet – to learn more about the tradition. It appears to be oriented from colonial times when colonists discovered that they could make wax from bayberries, although a-labor intensive process. So, the candles were highly valued and gifted, typically around the holidays. The receiver often saved them for special occasions. But, on Christmas Eve – considered the most magical night of the year – the candles were lit and allowed to burn to their sockets (i.e. burn themselves out). Much to my mom’s dismay, the poem was a bit different as well: “A bayberry candle comes from a friend, so on Christmas Eve burn to the end. For a bayberry candle burned to the socket will bring joy to the heart and gold to the pocket.” In the tradition, you are also supposed to make a wish on the candles for the next year, which Mom never told us about.
These days, the poem often varies as does the day its burned. It’s now acceptable to burn on Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day – or whenever you want good luck. The time of day they’re lit also now varies. While the colonial tradition was to light the candles when you see the first star, in the interest of my own desire to go to bed at a reasonable time, mine are lit now. It’s 2:13 p.m. I made a wish, but that is about the extent of the tradition that I intend to enjoy.
Instead, for me the candles are highly symbolic and are serving as a bridge from the past, into the present and even into the future. But mostly, the candles allow me to feel my mom’s presence and know she’s with us this Christmas. So, is my dad. And more than ever, I am recapturing something I had lost for so long – the wonder of Christmas Eve at home.
Tonight promises to be pretty simple around here. Darryl is making gumbo after I prepped all of the ingredients, including previously roasting a duck, chicken and turkey. I’ve already made cupcakes which we will pair with champagne for dessert. Some rice, fresh salad, and freshly baked bread and this little family will be well-fed.
Mostly, we are going to be able to just be together as a family. As the highway we can barely see in the distance slowly empties itself of cars, I can feel the world falling silent, just for a day. I offer a simple thanks to those who have to work today and tomorrow because our time off is not without their service. I also offer a warm greeting to those of other faiths who will celebrate key dates on their calendar at other times of the year. May the peace I know now be theirs on some near day. Finally, I pledge to learn to let go. My anxiety has become the thing in-between me and joy. Today, the anxiety needs to be repudiated. It is not my friend. It’s going to take a long time to get it to truly go away but like the bayberry candles, it has to burn itself out.
The Yuppie Homesteader 