Yesterday was a reset for me. After a few very restless weeks of worrying about the success of my new business, yesterday was the first time in awhile that I’ve relaxed about it. Truth be told, even over the holidays I was worried. It was a low-simmering, “you can think about that later” kind of worry, but I was worried. Yesterday? I saw the path forward and more importantly, I reminded myself that this a long run, not a 5K. There will be ups and downs, times when I don’t think I can do it and times when I don’t want to do it. But this is all I’ve ever dreamed of and I can’t just quit it because it doesn’t feel safe and secure. I was always going to be working without a net.
Today, I’m recentered and recharged. I can do this and more importantly, I want to do this.
With that renewed sense of purpose, however, I’m also taking most of the day off. 😊 Let me explain my logic… .
Since the start of the new year, I’ve been actively hustling every day. Still, there’s always a point where hustle turns into stalking. I don’t want to go there. And then, there is balance. My entire goal was that I would work between 10-15 hours per week. Lately, it’s been close to 30-35. Now, 30-35 seems right given the amount of hustle I need to do to both build a pipeline and do the work. So, I’m good with 30. But if I get the chance to spend the afternoon cross-country skiing with my sisters? Well, that’s what I did all of this for anyway. (Plus, I have already planned to work a bit on Friday to finish up a project and clear the decks a little for next week. So, I can trade Wednesday for Friday.)
But here’s the deal with starting your own business that I don’t think anyone ever tells you: you will get filled with self-doubt periodically and in some cases, it will trigger an almost panicked reaction. If you’re a responsibility junkie like me, your instincts will urge you to act on that panic. But then? Hopefully, you calm down and go back to the plan and your own preparedness. That’s what I reminded myself of yesterday. I did this because I knew I had something of value to offer. I also squirreled away money so that if I didn’t make money for a year, it wouldn’t have a big impact on my family. Finally, I knew there were multiple pathways for success. Initially, one pathway led to wild first-generation success. That doesn’t mean the other pathways aren’t still just as good to be explored. The success of my little venture isn’t about luck or good fortune – it’s about preparedness and planning. I’ve done that.
The other thing that’s helping is that life at home has calmed down. With the end of the big renovations, we don’t feel that same great urgency to work all weekend to get the house done. Ain’t no one losing a birthday around here if the crown moldings don’t get up this weekend. With that attitude, we actually have time for both us and our own individual pursuits. That gives us enough time away from the demands of our life – both personal and professional – that we get back to being people. As I’ve mentioned before, I love my new house but I would never go through another whole-house renovation. The juice may now be worth that particular squeeze but now that I know what the squeeze is like? Count me out.
Finally, I think the last thing that has calmed me down is actually a factor of the calendar. I always get this huge letdown when the holidays are over. (It is my favorite time of the year.) Ever since I’ve been a consultant, January is always the month where you think about how daunting the annual task in front of you is and it feels just a bit crushing, honestly. That, combined with the end of the holidays and the weather in WNY, leads to a small bout of very sad feelings. It’s one of the reasons why I always like to plan a winter break for March. That way, I exit the holidays with something to look forward to. This year, there is no trip and it reminds me that I need to plan better for next year. Still, I always emerge from the doldrums in the second half of January. It helps that we finished the house and we no longer have intensive renovation pressure. And deep in my heart, I know that spring really does eventually come.
So, today’s break comes at a good time. I actually worked through a lot of things yesterday – a complex work problem for one client, my own self-doubt and the sadness I feel at the beginning of the new year. I’m now back to me and happy with it. Next up on my agenda? An afternoon skiing and some yummy apres-ski snacks.
Let’s do this thing called life.
The Yuppie Homesteader 