It’s no secret that this winter has been particularly brutal for me. I’m at that space deep-down where I just want to crawl in bed and close my eyes until spring. And with a little over five weeks to go until spring, we are in the real dregs of winter. Far enough along to be truly sick of it, not close enough to the end where we can begin to genuinely hope for good weather. Yep, this is brutal.
So today, I made myself dig deep. I can’t change winter – as much as I hate it. But I can always change me. To do that, I need to remember what life is all about – at least for me.
A little over 7 years ago, I gave up my CEO job to become a then-employed consultant. While I was technically part-time with Fridays off, it was still a pretty busy job. That led to a couple of step downs, where I ended up at 60% of a full-time equivalent (FTE). Then last March, I went out on my own, finally eschewing the employed model and really turning to an even slower pace of life focused on family and home. These days, I hope to work 10-15 hours a week and spend the rest of my time on the things that matter more to me. Along the way, I’ve gotten to experience things I wouldn’t have done before, simply because there wasn’t enough time. Today? Even in the dregs of winter, it is good to remember what I love about my life.
First, I do love that I still use my brain and still earn a living. When I faced a serious work slowdown in January after coming off of my sabbatical, the thought of not being a financial contributor to our family was highly distressing to me. Candidly, we live such a low-cost lifestyle that it wouldn’t have been a big deal to our little family unit. But the damage to my psyche? That was going to leave a mark. Now that this is resolving, I feel like I have the headspace to refocus.
Mostly? I do love that my life is focused on our little family, our home and the five rescues that turned our house into a rowdy playground and a comfy nap spot all at the same time. I love that I cook mostly from scratch each night and we have a formal dinner, just like my mom used to make. I think of her often when I’m busy in the kitchen. That was her domain and I’m most connected to her there. I also love that we are finally at a place where I’m no longer decorating en masse and I can make small changes around the edges to improve our home. Large-scale furniture purchases and gallons of paint are finally a memory. Today, it’s the smaller things… mixing up the linens and décor to match the season and bringing out treasured items to celebrate who we are and where we came from.
Finally, and this may be the most Stepford-like thing that I love, but I love running our home and making it run smoothly. From ensuring that we always have fresh groceries and the things we need on-hand to make good meals to a clean and calm home to well-cared for pets and an orderly routine to our lives. There is this rhythm to our life that I thoroughly enjoy. It feels safe and comfortable. And it also serves a greater purpose. When both of us work from home (and my hubby tends to work a little more than full-time), the natural rhythm of our house makes it easier for both of us to stay focused, give a little more professionally when we need to and still have life run on time and on track. Good organizational skills make that happen and I’ll give myself credit and say I have some pretty mad org skills.
I’ve been dealing with my winter blues for a few weeks now and it really took me off of my game. Yes, the house was still organized and calm, but my head was mostly focused on my struggle and not my joy. Today felt like a really good time to get back to my joy. It really is a wonderful life, even if the sun refuses to shine. Honestly, I really ended up in a spot where I was given everything I prayed for and dreamed about. Perhaps the struggle was real but so was the reward.
More than that, the definition of who I am is critical here. Yes, I am a professional and the fear of not being successful was scary to me, which messed with my mindset. But I’m a really good homemaker, an incredibly happy spouse, a darned fine decorator, a pretty accomplished chief home operations officer and a fab kitty mom. I worked hard to get all of these titles. Winter or not, sunshine or not, busy professional season or not, this is who I am and what my life is about. Time to re-establish that focus.
The Yuppie Homesteader 