After the Great Resignation of 2024 when I quit my job to go out on my own, I went through a lot of lifecycles. At first, exhaustion ruled the day. The freedom that was represented by being out on my own didn’t just give me room to breathe, it gave me room to rest. Then, I got super busy with work and if I’m completely honest, it didn’t feel much different than being at my old firm only that I was in control. Then, came my glorious sabbatical topped off with Christmas at home and the conclusion of our renovations upstairs. That was just a celebration of home and family that I had never had the chance before to truly enjoy. But in exactly 10 days, it will have been one year since I left my firm. It’s time now to reflect.
The first thing I can now (thankfully) acknowledge is that this little business is likely going to work. After a year, I now have a greater diversity of clients which I needed to keep this little engine chugging. Not going to lie, the disruption at the federal level was/is a bit disconcerting when I also rely on work from federal grantees, but here’s to hoping that soon also settles down. In the meantime, I’m still in control. I just have to grow even more diverse clients, which I can do next year when my restrictive covenant rolls off. Beyond that, I am confident in me and my abilities. I do actually know what I’m doing.
The second thing that has come into even sharper focus, if that’s possible, is this thing called balance. For me, there is real joy in home, family and friends. I love my professional work but my life at home? Beyond what I ever thought it would be and that’s saying a lot for someone who didn’t marry until she was 45. Home just fits me and this life is the part that was always missing.
Moving into spring, it feels natural to refocus on home. During the dregs of winter, I often think that the weather is awful so I may as well work. But when spring rolls around and the snow melts, there is just this little sunshiny tap on my shoulder that says, “Hey, it’s time. Life is about to burst wide open for the next nine months. Go ahead and enjoy.”
Today, I’m set to enjoy. And this is where balance comes in. I certainly have work to do and I’m currently sitting on a set of notes I need to finish. We also have our architect friend coming over to help us settle on both a layout of our new bathroom and the design of our future garage. Later tonight, I plan on a long call with my bestie. In between? I’m going to enjoy the sunshine that is doing a darned good job of melting snow. See? Balance. There’s a little in there for my mind, heart and soul.
Beyond the balance, though, what is there? Is there some cosmic new destination that I need to pursue? Maybe said more simply, do I have any additional big dreams left?
Ummm. Define “big.”
In the grand scheme of things, I’m genuinely not sure I have any big dreams left. At least not professionally. I truly have set out to do what I wanted to do. I may have peaked early, but that’s also okay. I’m super content to watch others pursue big dreams and make them happen. As long as I can chug along and make a bit of a living, I’m fine. The rest of my dreams? Well, we have to decided to plan a return trip to Antigua, which is huge in my world but not so big in anyone else’s world. We’re adding a garage, which again is big for me as I won’t have to push snow off my car or scrape my windshield again, but truly likely only big to me. I’m in that stage of my life where I’ll also be getting grand nieces and nephews and while world-rocking for their newly created parents may not be that big to anyone outside of their shared families. So big dreams? Maybe not. And I am more than okay with that.
But how about daydreams? Now, those I have plenty of. Perhaps what is even greater? I get to live those out most of the time. My Pinterest board is now littered with both completed and incomplete projects. (In fact, I have to figure out how to start deleting boards.) My printed deck furniture plans has me already dreaming for a late summer night’s dinner out on the new deck. I’ve even somewhat planned the return trip to Antigua.
Yes, I have plenty of daydreams. What is significant about quitting my job last year was the choice I made. It was never between working or not working. It was about choosing a life of balance. I still want some modicum of professional success and I still have small – not big dreams – that I want to make come true personally. But mostly? I wanted time. Time to notice just how much snow has melted in the past two days. Time to make sure every kitty gets a dedicated 5-10 minutes of one-on-one time each day. Time to make a fun, good new meal. Time to share a drink or just a conversation at night with my hubby. Time to plan a vacation redux to Antigua.
Somewhere along the line, time had become not merely a precious commodity. It had become the enemy. Every day was a game of “Beat the Clock” where I just tried to get out alive enough to have 5-10 minutes of personal decompression time. Today? Time is a gentle friend. Sometimes I ignore her and she just waits patiently for me to recognize I’ve frittered our friendship away for a few days. But, as time and I have gotten reacquainted, I’ve understood what a really good friend she really is. She helps me to have those moments that make a lifetime of memories and helps me feel emotions and gratitude I was often in too much of a rush to feel. Yep, time is good to me.
So, on this beautifully sunny, 50-degree day with grass rapidly peeking out from beneath the snow, I pause with my friend time. And I remember what a big decision that was, what a year it has been and what dreams I have left to fulfill.
The Yuppie Homesteader 