Even this blog is not immune to the wild swings of the stock market these days as its author wants to retire. The closer I get, the more I fear something will dramatically upset the apple cart. I can handle just about everything but an upset apple cart. Please leave my apples and my cart alone. Please.
But here’s the thing about mirage wealth and mirage lifestyles: they can be swept away in an instant. What is real? Well, it’s a little bit more of the nitty gritty than we like to realize. What’s real for me right now? The house desperately needs vacuumed and it feels like I’ve already lived a week and it’s only Wednesday. What also feels real? Well, I just had the longest kitty cuddles ever with my sweet Twister, reinforcing once again that I’m a halfway decent kitty mom.
I’m in this funky stage of my life right now where everything feels half-done and on edge. Work is busy and in various states of done. My husband is also incredibly busy and I feel like we’re becoming ships passing in the night. The cats seems to be doing well, but they get cat hair and kitty litter all over the place. So, good or not, they’re work. We also have a kitty structure to finish, a number of outdoor projects where the weather isn’t quite good enough to make progress on yet and the looming specter of a huge deck to replace. Yep… half-done and on edge. And it doesn’t help either that we’re about to head out to New Orleans for a long weekend when everything around here is just a half-step from spiraling out of control.
That leaves me wondering if there is a way to get myself – and as much of this family who will come with me – back to good? Or, is this some sort of semi-permanent phase we’re going to live in for the next few months? What gives, I ask the universe? And what could give?
Now, I need to be very candid here: I’ve got a great life. And while I never want anyone to envy me, I know what I have and I try every day to practice gratitude. But are there days when I also practice a little bit of not-so-gracious pleading? Oh yeah. Today is one of those days.
Straight up: something does have to give. There are very few times where I feel like we are one or two moves from it all spiraling out of control on us and now is that time. It’s not just the vacuuming. It’s too much to do, too little time to do it, and not enough of ourselves left to get it done. If y’all have read this far and you’re nodding along, please know I’m right there with you. And for all that I have platitudes that can pull me out of just about everything, I don’t have them right now. Instead, I’ll do what you do – tread water and try to make the smallest bit of progress. That’s all we can do.
Well, except for one more thing. We can give ourselves a little grace.
The fact is, I’m not perfect and maybe if I had managed a few things better, more smoothly, whatever, we wouldn’t be on this edge. The fact is, things may spiral beyond our control and nope, I’ve got no idea what happens then. But, it is what it is and it will be what it will be. Somehow, we move on. And I’m not a bad person just because things got out of control. Maybe over-ambitious, maybe too particular, maybe too tunnel visioned. But I’m me. And for the next few days at least, that’s as good as it’s going to get.
The Yuppie Homesteader 