It’s no big secret that I am/was a huge Jimmy Buffett fan. Anyone who can celebrate summer, relaxation, a margarita and the ocean is just A-OK with me. While I often fantasize about living a Jimmy-like life, the truth is that I am also fairly confident he was an incredibly hard worker and did not have the free time his songs seemed to indicate. Still, Jimmy lives on here – in our hearts and in our music.
Recently, we purchased, modified and installed a catio specifically for our three little boys who can’t go outside. The catio subsumes our whole “small deck” off the fireplace room and it’s become an instant hit. Who knew that they would love it as much as they do? Seriously. It’s like the new hotspot and if you have cats, you’re quite well aware that they tend to take a little while to warm up to anything. There was no hesitation. Our kitties were instant adopters. Yet for our big guy (so named because he’s a 17-pounder and not overweight at all), the catio is also his porch of indecision. He likes to stand halfway in/halfway out and consider his options. Don’t bother trying to rush him. He’s a guy who can’t be rushed. Right now, his half-measures mean a human needs to stand there with him while he makes a decision. Soon enough, the pet flap will be installed and we won’t need to babysit so much.
But as I watched Dops standing this morning – halfway in/halfway out – I wondered just a bit if that wasn’t me. Deep down, am I stuck on my own porch of indecision? And if I am, is it a bad thing?
(First, a detour: the Porch of Indecision is the outdoor eating area at Universal Orlando’s Margaritaville, a restaurant chain owned by Jimmy Buffett. As you would expect, the joint has good music, the best cheeseburgers in paradise and a pretty fabulous margarita. It’s also a favorite stop for me when I’m at the park.)
Now, back to my porch. For the past seven – now almost eight years – I’ve worked part time. I started at 80%, then 75%, then 60% and now as an independent consultant, it waxes and wanes. Lately, I’ve been closer to 60% but I’d prefer somewhere between 30-40%. The truth is, however, I’m half-in, half-out of the working world. The same goes for my wannabe domestic diva status. It only makes sense that if I’m half-in, half-out on work, that I’m only half-in, half-out on home. And it shows. Sometimes everything runs fantastically; other times, we have some near-fatal flaws around here. So, we can likely agree that the halfway in/out scenario is not a way to do either of the two parts of my life perfectly. But… the questions remain. Am I stuck? And is it bad?
Let’s evaluate these questions, one at a time. First, am I stuck on my own Porch of Indecision? Well, likely. I mean, aren’t we all to some degree? There is the lure of retirement and the somewhat idealized vision of unending days in the sunshine puttering around the yard and taking hours to do even the smallest of tasks because you’re just not in a hurry. But then, there are also the very real incentives to keep working: the money, the sense of satisfaction, the personal relationships. It’s a mixed bag and a bit of a struggle to find that balance. In one sense, it makes me feel like my existing strategy of consistent steps backward is truly the right strategy for me. I really do want to get down to that reliable 30-40% range, where I’d work 12-16 hours a week, not the 20-25 I have been working. That would allow me to once again shift more towards home, family and life and still have enough of a worklife to satisfy the other half of me.
And that leads to the second question: is it a bad thing to be stuck on the porch? I think the answer here is: “yes and no”. Yes, it’s bad when the dissatisfaction bubbles up. In those times where I feel like I failed work, home or both, being stuck on the porch irritates me. Those times when my husband – who works full-time – had to do the vet run because I had a meeting scheduled at the only time the vet could see my pet were a clear miss. Or the times when the house gets out of control because my Mondays and Tuesdays are so busy these days. Another miss. On the flipside, there are those times when I have to reschedule an appointment because of a family commitment. A third miss. All of those events stick out in my mind as times when being stuck on the porch feels like it creates conflict in my life that is generally unnecessary.
But then, there are the times when the balance works and works really well. When I have plenty of time for work and home. Where I feel the freedom of my flexible schedule but enjoy the fruits of my labor. Those are the times when I’m able to take care of all of our regular-life tasks and essentially smooth the path ahead for all of the heartbeats that live here while also achieving something of my own. Or the times when I can afford that small luxury. During those times, I’m glad I’m still here on the porch.
This summer, my goal is to dial back the work a bit and reliably get to that target of 12-16 hours a week. Ever since I went out on my own, I was either really busy or really slow. But as I’ve gotten that first year under my belt, I feel like it’s also possible now to reduce some of the variability in my schedule. If I can do that and get the pace of my professional life to within my target range, I feel like I’ll also be able to take a step back and really evaluate if this version of part-time hits the sweet spot, at least for the next couple of years.
And then? Well, I’ll stay on that Porch of Indecision for awhile. I’m likely going to order a margarita, but that’s just fine, too.
The Yuppie Homesteader 