Every morning, we do the same thing around here. I get up, pet the fur buckets, make coffee and make their morning snack. (The cats have automatic feeders so we don’t have to feed them regular food. Instead, we do a watered-down snack twice a day. That treat is not only a big hit, but it gets extra water into their little systems.)
And then, I write.
It doesn’t matter the day of the week, the time of the day or whatever else I’ve got going on. The first few minutes in the morning are solely mine to write. This ritual keeps me sane, lets me get all of my buzzing thoughts out of my head and down onto “paper” so that I can see them, sort them and dismiss the truly crazy ones.
But this morning as I sat down to write, I thought about rituals themselves. The ones we adopt that link us to time, place or person. We have the rituals of our family, the rituals of our existence and the rituals we enjoy seasonally. It seems like our lives our filled with rituals and they bring us a sense of belonging and comfort. But do we ever really stop to think about them and why they mean so much?
Take this morning. It didn’t take me long to figure out why I need to sit in my easy chair, cup of coffee on the arm and write on my laptop. This act of writing is a form of actively engaging in what’s important to me. I like the idea of being largely a homemaker with a simple, calm and family-focused life. Writing about the parts of my life that represent those ideals gives me both pleasure and comfort.
And that leads to the other rituals in my life. First, the rituals that link me to time, particularly the seasons. I love those. My niece and I were speaking last night about the transition from summer to fall. She’s ready for fall nearly immediately after July 4th. Me? It usually hits strongly right about now (August 1st). Her point? “I just like the vibes.” Me too, sweetie, me too. I love the sense of relaxation that comes with fall. Summer to me is a blow-open-the-doors-and-let-the-crazy-hang-out kind of time. Fall? It’s about the “vibes” of a cup of hot apple cider on a crisp evening, the serenity of watching a leaf lazily waft toward the ground, the bounty of the garden, the rituals of football games and Halloween celebrations. Yep, love fall and the rituals it brings.
The same, of course, for the holiday season which does earnestly begin the week of Thanksgiving and run through New Year’s. (Yes, I celebrate from Labor Day on, but that’s me celebrating fall and then going right into the holidays.) Again, to use her phrase, I like the vibes. I like the time set aside for family, friends and celebration. I like the slowing down of work and the ramping up of fun. I just like the whole cozy-up-and-come-undone feel of the holidays.
And while I’m not winter’s fan, I do like the cross-country skiing rituals. Finally, I love spring’s renewal and summer’s throw open the doors vibes. So yes, my rituals root me in time.
As for place, my rituals are heavily focused on place, particularly home. Obviously, I love the decorating that comes with each season. But I also just love the decorating and making our house feel like home. When I was traveling for work and coming back from wherever at the end of the trip, it was often in the evening and getting dark. As I drove past other homes with their lights on and the glow from the windows shining along the side of the road, I would wistfully imagine the family rituals going on inside and be thinking about the rituals for us. I couldn’t wait to pull up my driveway and see the glow of the lights welcoming me inside. I’m just sentimental-old-fool enough that my screen saver is a picture of my house decorated for the holidays. I also have pics of home saved on my computer. When I do have to travel for work, it’s very comforting to have those pics.
But I also love our rituals at the Lake, where my sisters live, and the routines and rhythms of lake life. I like to sit on the end of the dock and have a conversation about absolutely nothing or to sit by the campfire and talk about even less. I love the rhythm of lake life that is focused on being outdoors in summer and making the most of those moments of sunshine.
Mostly, however, I love the rituals that tie us to each other. When we redid the kitchen, my husband and I put in a peninsula with four barstools and during the pandemic, we transitioned from eating in front of the TV to eating at the peninsula. There, we share a meal and talk about our days, the things we’re grateful for and the things we need to do. Oftentimes, our sweet little girl – who is 16 and not getting any younger – will climb the kitty steps by the farthest bar stool and come to sit beside me. Yes, she’s begging and yes, it works for her, but it’s also a time that is uniquely hers when the other boys demand so much attention.
I love that my husband and I have incorporated traditions into our own unique culture. Getting a Christmas tree together, running a few races together, creating interesting cocktails, watching the Tour de France, hiking at the state park… . These are things that are just us and not necessarily out of the ordinary but are binding and affirming.
My sisters and I have also adopted rituals, including skiing on Friday afternoons in winter, shopping for a family at Christmas, wrapping gifts together, an afternoon out on the boat with just the three of us… again, not so out of the ordinary but things that inextricably link us together.
Rituals for me are the things that truly anchor my life experience. As simple and unassuming at they may be, they are the things that ground me, remind me of who I am and maybe more importantly, how I want to be. Deep in my soul, I want to be this person – wife, sister, aunt, friend, kitty mom, homemaker, professional… calm. I get all of that by practicing rituals. And as the calendar flips into August and I can look forward to the most ritualistic time of the year for me, I celebrate those rituals even more.
The Yuppie Homesteader 