In most work-related software applications, there is this lovely button entitled “Do Not Disturb” or “Focused Time”. They are the best little buttons in the whole world. I rarely avail myself to them but today? Yep, I clicked the button. I now have three hours… all to myself.
Truth be told, that aside from about 20-25 minutes writing here, I plan on actually completing professional tasks during that time. So, it’s not like I’ll be out shopping or eating bonbons. (I’m actually not a fan of bonbons, but that really is irrelevant.) Instead, the whole idea of true focused time where I can work without the distractions of, well, other work, is highly appealing. Most days, I feel like a ping-pong ball, winging between different bumpers and paddles from subject to subject. Today? I carved out a little quiet for myself and it’s making me crazy happy.
But as it always does, writing in this blog centers me and reminds me of why I do just about everything: home, family and pursuit of simple peace. The idea of three hours of quiet – not just today but on a regular basis after we finish the deck – feels like a good place to start. Now, on one hand, it’s a bit ridiculous to think that I need to refocus on home and family when the past eight weeks have been literally all about home – and building a deck. But honestly, doing a project is actually stressful and while it is home-focused, it doesn’t foster that simple peace I’m always looking for.
Today and in this missive? It’s all about simple peace and life after renos. Our goal is to be done with the deck by the end of September and hopefully be done with my husband’s office shortly after that. And then… well, it’s clear sailing. The tools go away, we can clean up at our leisure and we will finally get to experience just plain old regular life. Again, it’s crazy how happy that makes me.
But that’s the point, right? In our mid-50s, it’s about time for us to hang up toolbelts, enjoy some focused time in both professional and personal pursuits and start enjoying that next phase of life. Professionally, we’ve both achieved a lot and personally, we did what we set out to do: rebuild this house to suit our needs while also adopting a few unplanned strays.
Frankly, there’s so much to look forward to. There’s the simple and the unique – like the return of Pizza Fridays when we make homemade pizza together and the pursuit of hiking the high peaks in the Adirondacks. More than that, though, is the mind game. We are both so used to multi-tasking, planning ahead, delaying joy and completing tasks that I’m not sure either of us know how to just be. For example, I often find myself struggling just to finish a blog post as I start to distract myself with what I need to do next or by checking my phone. It’s that habit of not allowing myself to focus for too long on any one thing that will be the most difficult habit to break. Although I hate the habit, it’s also comfortable and strangely reassuring. If I break free from my focus to check to make sure everything is alright, I can re-establish focus a little more assured that I’ve got a few minutes to spare. Crazy, right? I spend that time breaking away and then re-connecting just to be connected.
Today, my goal has been to write straight through and to complete one thought, no matter how boring or disjointed it could be. I needed to exercise that self-control to truly just focus for 20 minutes on a personal pursuit without checking email or messages. I’m not going to lie, it’s been tough. Like a lifelong smoker, I have the phone nearby just like a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. The urge to reach out and check it is strong, particularly as the message indicator just buzzed. Yet, my thoughts are nearly complete and I’m feeling strangely proud of myself not just for resisting but for being okay with resisting.
And that leads me to my very last thought about focus, both completing this post and demonstrating that I can, indeed, focus for one whole missive…
Being focused really will mean slowing down for me and I’ve got to find a way to get comfortable with that. If you read my blog about simple peace and the pursuit of a different way of living, it’s obvious that I get the concept. I do want to live more slowly, deliberately, thoughtfully and calmly. And yet, through a lifetime lived so far, I’ve both been rewarded and rewarded myself for my ability to produce, to multi-task and to take on just a little too much and get it all done. And the problem isn’t life, it’s me. I have to choose simplicity and serenity in a way I haven’t before. It’s not about the messages out there to be heard or read; it’s about choosing deliberation and hearing those messages on my own time. It’s about choosing peace and not rushing forward to “get the next thing done so I can relax.” It’s about choosing to relax now.
Honestly, we’re in a good place. We’ve done so many of those “next things” that there isn’t much left to do. I’ve also built a professional environment where I can control my pace, take on those projects I want to take on and maintain control over my work life. The last piece of the puzzle really does come down to me, my own personal “Do Not Disturb” button and my ability to impose a little bit of self-discipline to not chase down distractions.
Perhaps that’s what I needed this blog for all along? Not to wax poetically about harvesting beets or refinishing furniture. Not to discuss how I have changed my life’s passion from executive to homestyle pursuits. Maybe it’s about my own journey to focusing on those things that I say matter most to me. If that’s the case, I know that a lifetime of chasing distractions won’t end easily, but I also feel like I may have just a little bit of clarity. In a world where we can be distracted any time and any where, it’s time to allow myself to unplug and unwind.
I can do this. I mean, I just did.
The Yuppie Homesteader 