I’m feeling a bit reflective today and the cause is obvious: I got one of those little Facebook reminders on my phone of a picture I had posted exactly five years ago. When I looked at it, I saw what the house used to look like pre-renovations. More than anything, it reminded me of how far we have come. That thought landed for a little while but was quickly followed by another thought: it’s time to fall forward.
Last May on a walk in the natural area near our house, my husband and I had one of those life-altering conversations. After nearly a decade of constant investments and projects around the house, we were exhausted. The house was 90% renovated with three projects left to do: the back deck, our main bathroom and a garage/driveway. The whole idea of work weekends, relentless saving and a life of being overcommitted had long since worn thin. It was time to move on. Since the deck project was structural and had to be done, we committed to doing the deck and then hanging up our tool belts. The garage/driveway would ultimately be done by a contractor and the main bathroom could wait until we were both retired and could enjoy the project.
In early November, the deck and one other unexpected repair were finished but I was fostering two kittens that I had found alongside the road. They would soon get their forever homes the Saturday after Thanksgiving. But then, our oldest and sweetest kitty who had been diagnosed with an untreatable tumor in September began going seriously downhill. We would ultimately lose her in the past two weeks. Finally, work was also crazy-busy for us at the end of the year and we ended up doing a lot of hard living in the final six months of the year.
And that sets us up for now and falling forward. It’s time to start living again, as hard as it may be without Meadow.
When I started this blog, it was about moving forward in my semi-retired life. All along, my goals have been simple peace and a life focused not on professional achievements but on the pursuit of a homemade lifestyle. Little did I appreciate how much renovation would be needed for us to get to a home that functions for us and reflects who we are. Had I known I’m not sure I would have pursued it so diligently. But now that we’re here? Well, I’m still not sure it was worth all of the sacrifice, but it is pretty close to perfect.
Again, time to fall forward. Yesterday – on a random Tuesday – I did just that. Today, even after another lousy night of sleep and a winter weather advisory, life still feels so much better. Yep, we needed to fall forward.
So, what exactly is falling forward all about? Well first, it’s about embracing that there are no renovations on the horizon. This is a little family that had staches of tools and construction materials in just about every corner of the house. Those have all been put away. It’s also about having enough time that each day isn’t our own personal game of “Beat the Clock” where the to-do list outweighs the amount of time dedicated to it. And it’s about sinking into a routine of life where there are actually free hours, leisure time and just the tiniest bit of capacity for fun.
We can also get out of constant crisis management. Take today. A winter weather advisory was issued overnight for tomorrow. We likely had plenty of firewood to get through the storm, which should end sometime on Friday. (We like to burn our fireplace on the coldest days to just enjoy the heat and warmth of the fire while offsetting the use of our geothermal system.) Yet, my hubby had those extra few minutes before work this morning to bring in a wheelbarrow load of firewood. That way, should the storm extend – as they sometimes do – we won’t run short and be out wading snow to bring in more wood. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve done that.
There are other benefits, too. I’ve always liked to plan ahead and make sure I have groceries and supplies in the house but that doesn’t always happen. There are so many times I’m running last minute because I need an ingredient for dinner or we ran out of a crucial supply. Yesterday? I made a list, rummaged through cupboards and the refrigerator, double-checked said list and I know I got everything we needed at the store – including dinner items for the remainder of the week.
All of these may sound incredibly pedestrian and I’ll be honest, they are. But right now, it feels like a luxury we’ve rarely had. Since the end of renovations in November, I’ve been able to slowly put things back in their forever homes, clean unnecessary items out and generally put our house in order. While we’re not yet totally organized, I feel like I’m on the downhill slide for the first time in a decade. I’m actually down to the parts of the list that were never going to be a priority: cleaning up and organizing the Christmas decorations and taking all of the shredding to the office supply store.
The biggest hurdle I still need to overcome is the idea that I can well and truly slow my pace. For example, I struggle writing in this blog because as soon as I sit down, I think about what else I need to get done that day. I’m already bargaining with myself to give up my yoga for today so I can open up a few minutes to answer emails before I run out with the shredding and also pick up some needed office supplies. The idea that I can do all three without missing a deadline is something I actually still have to consciously tell myself. Yet, it’s not lost on me that this is what I’ve always lived for. When I first semi-retired, I didn’t realize that the obligations of completely renovating a home would take so much of that initial free time that our lives wouldn’t slow down for awhile. Eventually, the pace of renovations overtook us and we nearly cracked. It did lead us both to believe that life wouldn’t ever really slow down.
And then?
Well, we are here now.
Give me a month and I hope to have figured it out just a little bit more. I’ve already planned a small get-together with friends to shake off the winter blues. I’ve rebooked my yoga classes for Wednesday nights. Beyond that? I’m not willing to plan any more. Instead, I want to let life come at me for a bit – slowly, calmly and deliberately. I want the time to enjoy some quiet evenings with my hubby, some kitty snuggles during the day and a painfully ordered life.
I want to simply fall forward… no leap, not jump, not rush. Nope. I want to fall forward.
The Yuppie Homesteader 