I’ve been thinking a lot lately about “the good life.” In general, we spend very little of our lives actually content. If you think about it, we start out pretty content – only crying or complaining for three simple things: we are hungry, we are tired or we are uncomfortable. Childhood, when it’s done right, is about learning and play. It’s a pretty content time. But somewhere along the way? We lose contentment in the pursuit of more. And scarily enough, when we actually achieve “more,” we find ourselves chasing a new and greater “more”. When, then, is our lives ever enough? Are we doomed to constantly roll the ball of life uphill?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the good life. On paper, I have it. Married to the love of my life, close family relationships, no big health issues, fun pets, a renovated home and no debt to speak of. I also only work 10-15 hours a week but I’m able to do work I find both challenging and engaging.
So, if I don’t have the good life, what does that look like? And if I do, why do I sometimes chase more?
Digging deep, I’ll be honest and say I do have a good life, if not the proverbial good life. In the vein of pursuing a life one does not have to escape from, I genuinely don’t need to escape my life. The weather sometimes gets me down and I need to go chase sunshine in the spring, but that’s about it. I would also say I daydream about retirement and the flexibility to travel, but that’s also more of a silly pipe dream. With four pets who don’t travel, a large garden and a homebody husband, even if we had unlimited funds to travel we would be staying home. C’est la vie.
So why, then, do I ask myself on a dreary spring day, don’t I just accept that I have everything that I could reasonably want and live in a state of constant contentment? The answer may lie in human nature and how we navigate our own expectations.
When I first quit my office-based job to work four days a week from home, I reveled in it. Then suddenly, it wasn’t enough. I went to 75% time, which lowered my billable target as an employed consultant but that didn’t work either. A few years later, I dropped to 60% – or three days a week. Then, admittedly, the firm went through some pretty dramatic changes and I made the decision to go out on my own. Two years later, I’m still highly satisfied with that choice but the daydreams of full retirement creep in and become overwhelming from time to time.
Part of it, I know, is that I am emotionally getting ready for full retirement. Thinking about it is actually quite scary. The idea of no longer making money but running through what we have saved and hoping it lasts long enough is downright frightening to me. Offsetting it, of course, is the freedom. Days of unobligated time and weeks to just be. That is highly appealing. So, I do think you go through this evolution where as you are both financially and structurally planning for retirement, you also deal with the anxiety, realities and appeal of it.
The other part, though? I think I’m always going to struggle with waning contentment. But, for the very first time in my life, I see that there genuinely is no real reason for it. I truly love my life. This is honestly what I always wished for. (Okay, so four cats wasn’t exactly in the plan, but you take what God gives you and they needed a home and love. In the end, they give us so much more than we could ever imagine giving them.)
With the realization that I have absolutely no stinking reason for any declining satisfaction in my life, I also stand on the precipice of my favorite months of the year. From May through December, I am “all in” on my life. May is my favorite month when the gardens and forests burst open and the warm days and bright sunshine seem to stretch out endlessly in front of us. June, July and August are just gloriously warm to downright hot with long days and a life lived mostly outdoors. There’s nothing better. Except for maybe September. I love the start of fall when all of the summer bounty comes in and we can enjoy fresh fruits and vegetables galore before moving on with all of the holiday planning that I absolutely love. And let’s face it, I’m a holiday-lovin’ kind of girl. From Halloween through New Year’s Day, I am ALL about the celebrations.
So my challenge, I’ve decided, is to mindfully embrace contentment at just about the perfect time. I’ve got the entire month of April to get my head right about life, love and contentment. This time? I’m motivated. I’m reading journals and advice columns, I’m taking long walks or shorter runs to give myself headspace, I’m waking up each morning with an open heart and we are practicing gratitude every night before dinner. And I’m genuinely opening my eyes to reality. I started this journey of simple peace nearly a decade ago now. I often blamed external factors for my lack of peace or contentment. In all fairness to me, there were major distractions with busy professional lives and a house that became a gut-job renovation. Now though? I’m looking inside. The real key to simple peace? Me. My heart. My approach to life.
It’s going to take me awhile to get back to my promised land of simple peace. And, as sure as I know that it will snow in April and November around here, I’m also sure that my simple peace will wane again. I’m sure I’ll plan trips that never happen, revisit my retirement plan obsessively and borrow worry for imagined crises.
This time, however, I also know that just like I can’t live in a state of perfect contentment all of the time, I can’t also live in a state of constant pursuit of contentment. Hopefully, I’m also prepared to stop myself and my crazy thoughts and just look around.
The good life? Hmmm… after all, I think it’s what we make it out to be.
The Yuppie Homesteader 