Today, I’m a big – no, huge – disappointment to my cats and I probably have outsized guilt about it. Our four furry ones are all former starving rescues who came to us with more parasites, diseases and malnutrition than any of us would want to see another heartbeat experience. They are today living the lives of Riley (if Riley ever lived such a life). Yummy food and snacks, clean, safe water and all the love they can handle is just the start. This house boasts a numerous array of kitty beds, perches, toys, litterboxes and other accoutrements that no one would ever consider them deprived today. My husband says they won the “kitty Mega Millions” and I don’t disagree. They also have a customized catio. We bought a pre-fab one, raised it to fit the door height and made it movable so that it goes to the side deck and out of the summer heat when needed. We added cushions, perches and even a screen on one side to keep snow out of it in winter. They have access to the catio from first thing in the morning until we scoot them in at bedtime.
So, why would said kitties be disappointed? They also have radio collars and harnesses. Each kitty typically gets about 20-30 minutes of dedicated outdoor time per day whereby the humans play “corral the kitties” and they explore the yard, avoiding both the woods around the house and most of the front yard where cars occasionally pass by. Today, those collars and harnesses are going unused.
Now, part of it is that it’s a muggy, overcast, wet day. Off and on rain showers are in the forecast. Part of it is that momma does have some work to do. The two hours I spend daily with them outside is incredibly valuable and I just adore them, but I also have some slides due for a potential client, a proposal due for another client and a house that needs some indoor attention. In that whole “something’s gotta give” scenario today, it was them. Candidly, they won out for the past 10 days and it was their turn to make a little sacrifice.
Still, I empathize with their disappointment. It’s something they love and they really want to do. In the life of a consultant and with as many jobs as you don’t get, that’s a feeling I can identify with.
Today, I’m waiting to hear from one potential client on a job I really, really want. If I got it – and I think I have a reasonable chance – it would be my exit strategy. It’s about six months of very low-key work with just enough earnings to fund my off ramp and allow me to completely retire at the end of the year. And honestly, that’s all I need. After losing out on another unicorn about two weeks ago which was admittedly more work, I have a new sense of clarity: I’m so ready to be done and I just have to extend myself a few more months.
And that’s the way it goes with disappointments and realignments. Sometimes, you actually need that disappointment to fuel you into really assessing what it is you want. The past six weeks have been glorious and despite my disappointment from a business development standpoint, I’ve actually been wholly happy here at home. Giving the kitties daily outdoor time is a fairly new development. For years, it happened maybe once a month. There just wasn’t enough time. Now, it’s sunny days only but they love it and I love being able to give it to them.
I also love that our life is essentially on track. There is time for us as humans instead of being work machines. There is time to do for others and not just the cats, but each other and family and friends. So, had the slowdown never happened, I’m not sure I would have experienced true retirement. It IS different from partial work and the difference really comes down to headspace vs. hours in front of a computer. When my head was always spinning with project plans, slide decks, spreadsheets and deliverables, I couldn’t think about family needs. Now that I can? I’m a completely different person. Perhaps most importantly, I’m present in my own life.
Over the years, I’ve come to terms with disappointments with the idea that it truly wasn’t meant to be. Are there some projects that I’m still regretful that I didn’t get? Yep. And there are likely just as many that I actually regret getting, honestly enough. But on the whole, I can now sit back and recognize that through it all – ebbs and flows, highs and lows, wins and losses – the disappointments always led to a realignment. And that’s okay.
In fact, it’s better than okay.
The Yuppie Homesteader 