Through a series of events over the last few days, we have seen first-hand both the fragility and the joy in life and partnership. One thing it brought home to me? It’s more important that we spend our time enjoying each other and our little family more than we achieve anything else. In that ebb and flow of work/life balance, it’s time to tip the scales heavily in favor of life.
Genuinely, this family has definitely gone through a pretty serious transformation over the past two years. We went from still wanting to climb professional mountains to being satisfied with our career achievements. That alone is no small feat. We also went from needing to finish the upstairs and a decrepit, oddly shaped back deck to beautiful hardwood floors upstairs and a back deck that actually invites you outdoors. When you finally get down to making things like deck planters and designing a bourbon cabinet, you know you are finally at the end of renovations (at last).
More than that, though, there has been an internal shift. What was important once isn’t so important now. Instead, we value quiet moments. If that’s on a bike ride, mornings with the kitties (which sometimes is anything but quiet) or an hour before dinner to talk about our days, this little family has shifted gears. Even the whole idea of retirement has evolved from something in the ether to a serious plan for our future.
And here’s what I know with an emerging certainty: I want to truly dig deep and appreciate this time. My work life has slowed down and will likely stay at a much slower pace. I’ll earn about half of what I’ve earned in the past two years. In the meantime, I can take care of the furry ones, our considerable yard and our now-renovated home. I will also have time for outings with my newly retired sister, which has become a very fun and comforting experience. While my husband cannot yet slow down – it’s the nature of what he does – it will hopefully be just another year or two until he can join me in semi-retired life.
Then?
There are so many things I want to explore and share. One of the things I love most about living in the northeast is that you get to experience all four seasons, though I’m not winter’s biggest fan. Still, I can’t wait to experience the seasons when there isn’t such a time crunch on our life. (My husband swears he will never cross country ski with me… sigh.) I’m looking forward to random and unplanned adventures, such as a Tuesday afternoon bike ride or a Thursday drive to the science museum in Buffalo, just because we can. I want to spend valuable time with my sisters, my nieces and nephews and the generation that they will bring into this world. I also want to do the super mundane – read books, putter in the house and garden, do my jigsaw puzzles. Again, all because I can.
These next few months are incredibly valuable to me in so many ways. First, after years of spending freely, we will need to reduce some of our indulgences. They won’t have to be eliminated altogether, but they do need to be trimmed back just a bit. My goal? Reduce the “after expenses” spending to less than 75% of what we have been spending so far this year. All of which, by the way, is down by 50% since last year. Now, given that a lot of that spending was on home renovations, it should be relatively easy to keep trimming back. But that’s just the financial stuff.
My other goal? Simplify, simplify, simplify.
Life does not need to be nearly as difficult as we make it. In fact, it should be a lot more simple. While – again – eliminating renovations has been a huge factor in simplifying our lives, there is more work to be done. As a truly trivial – but key – example? My dresser is overflowing. I am literally cramming things into it and I have one of those oversized dressers from Pottery Barn. What do I wear out of that dresser? Oh, the 20% that sits on the top. Time to eliminate the unnecessary. I just don’t need so many “things”. The same goes for many areas of this house. While I did a fantastic job (patting myself on the back here) of simplifying and giving everything a home when we first renovated, new purchases are competing for space. It’s time to cull the herd again.
Lastly, I want to simplify our days. I am so stinking weary of waking up on Monday morning with a to-do list that’s longer than my arm. Even on the days when I’m not working on Monday, the to-do list is intimidating. Most days, I just get on with it. I’ve got the attitude that the “only way it gets done is to do it”. But that dogged attitude doesn’t address the fundamental issue of why. We are two adults in a renovated home. How is our life so complicated that home, work and yard tasks pile up like a freeway accident at rush hour?
The answer? Well, part of it is our weekends are overcommitted with being ambitious about a new project or endeavor so we let the house go. Another part is having four pets, though they are so loved that whatever it takes they will get so they can live a good life. The last part? It’s us. We both mindlessly set things down, pile things together and generally just don’t make a concerted effort to clean as we go. For example, I bought orange bitters the other day. It’s currently sitting on top of the liquor cabinet instead of in it. Why? I wanted to know if my husband wanted the bitters in the pantry or the liquor cabinet. So, there it sits and I realize that the question wasn’t important enough for me to remember to ask it. Further, he likely doesn’t care. I’ll just put it in the liquor cabinet today, where I intended it to go. On his side? The remnants of his “grow operation” are sitting on the dining room table. Why? It’s a reminder that he wants to clean a couple of the items before they go back down to the basement. Taking advantage of the beautiful weather, he focused on outdoor work this weekend. As a result, the pile of items for the basement just sits there. I literally dusted around the pile on Friday afternoon.
It’s obviously going to be a process to get this little rather recalcitrant family organized and ready for full-on retirement. I get that and I’m okay with it. Mostly, however, I want to focus on joy and appreciation. If the last few days have taught me anything is that while we may still have decades left in our lives together, it’s not guaranteed. Further, hours have a way of passing by like minutes and months like days. It’s time to slow down, lower our expectations, eliminate the unnecessary and spend time making memories to last the rest of our lifetimes.
The Yuppie Homesteader 