I’m a forward-looking person. I often describe looking forward as waiting for that cloudless horizon. In one sense, I feel like it makes me unable to relax and truly take in the moment I’m in if I’m always fixated on the horizon. In another sense? Well, it has allowed me to accomplish more professionally than I ever thought I could and it keeps me thinking positively. I’m one of the most optimistic people I know and I have a great sense of confidence that I can avoid “doom” through my massive planning and replanning. (Sometimes, that would be considered over-confidence. 😊)
In other words, I hate surprises.
Now, my husband still doesn’t get that. Cognitively, he says he does, but when it comes down to it? Well, he still says stupid things like, “I can’t tell you; it’s a surprise.” Dude, surprises are bad. You have immediately made me anxious. Either tell me everything you know or face my wrath. You can’t undo the knowledge I have now so don’t try changing the subject. The dam has been broken. Foreshadowing is bad. Really, really bad.
All joking aside – although it does irritate me when he says that – I have finally come to the conclusion that while I desperately wish I could live more in the moment, I have made a life – and the choice – to keep scanning the horizon. Living for those clear blue days is what I do. Through hard work, anticipation and planning, I do honestly believe I’ve enjoyed more clear-blue days than I would have otherwise.
And that’s why I’m at it again.
I have a big work trip coming up next week with four days away. In a matter of 2-3 weeks, the weather should have cooled enough that the grass stops growing and we are done mowing for the season. By mid-November? I’m planning on some clear skies. There are these glorious days between when we can stop mowing and when we have to begin shoveling our ridiculously long driveway. With a Super El Nino this year, I’m hoping that we are in for more than a couple weeks’ worth of those days. Along with that, I’ve got some work that should come through that will mean some routine travel but it will be once a month and – at most – two overnights, which won’t start in earnest until after the holidays. I can handle that. Particularly as it will mean few headspaces and mostly doing what I know best.
Finally, of course, there are the holidays. While I may travel once for work in November/December and we will travel to see my in-laws for the holidays, the rest of the time is generally slower. Work will slow down for both of us, my hubby will have most of the week of Thanksgiving and the full week of Christmas off. In short, life will just calm down for 6-8 weeks.
That’s my clear blue horizon: this glorious time when all of life slows down and there are many fewer obligations in my life. I will have time for that long walk, to bake some seriously good chocolate chip cookies, to read a book and to engage in a small home improvement project which moves the ball forward for us. Genuinely? I can’t wait.
Today – and days like these – are my witching hours. The heavy, crazy-busy hasn’t started yet but I’m prepared for it. There are signs all around that life is about to slow down including the very last of the leaves falling off the trees, indicating that the somewhat arduous process of leaf cleanup is almost over.
In the next few weeks, we will check several items off of our list. Cleaning up the debris from limbs and bramble where we harvested a few trees for firewood, turning the garden fallow for the winter, mowing that last time and taking the big work trip. Each in turn closes a chapter and lets a cloud sunset on the far horizon. We will also store away our lawn furniture, preserve the remaining beets from the garden, bring up the area rugs from storage in the basement and take the umbrella downstairs. Check. Check. Check. And check.
My target date for our holiday phase to begin? Well, that would be November 12th. My work week will be finished and so will the outside maintenance for the rest of the year. In between here and there, there are a number of things to get done and I’m geared up and ready for it. But just about 4 p.m. on November 12th? Oh man, that’s kick-off. I’ll have my home planetarium set up for a little night stargazing, albeit fake. A good dinner of some sort will be in the oven (or perhaps steaks on the grill). A bottle of wine will be uncorked and breathing. Kitties will have been out for their daily outdoor time and I will have that holiday feeling, with the potential of some holiday music.
That’s what I live for. That’s why I give up living in the moment for the weeks in between. Come November 12th, I can shut it down and just be all-holidays, all-family and all-the-time. There is genuinely nothing better. It’s the reward for the sacrifice and I’m in.
