Lately, the streams of my life had separated far and wide. The sheer mental stimulation in a day has been, well, overwhelming. There are days I’ve been in 4-5 professional headspaces in the matter of a morning. As I metaphorically sat there in the rain watching rivulets form and go just about everywhere, I lamented quite a bit. Life had spun out of control – in my summer, in my “me” time and when I had been so determined that it wouldn’t this year. I had worked so hard for this summer and once again, I was disappointed. Ever since I went out on my own three years ago, I had waited for this summer when the streams of my life would come together and just happily form a quiet, bubbly little brook headed out to sea.
And then, just when all hope was lost… well, it wasn’t. Hope – and life – returned. Those rivulets formed small, tiny little streams that came together as a babbling brook with cheery little bubbles as the water gently winds itself around and over rocks.
Summer, it seems, may have just been saved.
Now, that is not to mean that are not some rapids ahead. I’m two weeks away from the first real start of a slowdown and it may actually get fast and furious up until that point. But the rising tides? They seem to have subsided. I’ll need to deal with runoff for awhile, but I can handle that.
And the rest? I’m watching life return to normal in ways I didn’t dare hope for or expect. I’m planning a blueberry picking trip with my bestie for this week and a harvest dinner for October. I’m on the hunt for my handmade quilt to finish off the décor on my front porch. Dinner is planned not just for tonight but for this week. Things are picked up, put away and under control.
I am back to simple peace. The simplest, kindest kind of simple peace.
I’ve often written about the struggles I face in finding and keeping simple peace in my life. There are times I try so hard to focus and to get it right. It feels like a true struggle to get back to simple peace and I’m exhausted when I finally get there. Then, there are the times I just let go – or I just give up – and I accept that this is my life now. I’m disappointed but I’ll soldier on. These are the times I’m most surprised by simple peace. How could it have found me when I was so irretrievably lost?
Outside of being incredibly grateful today, I also wanted to post this message of hope. Sometimes we do everything right and get a bad result or everything wrong and we escape with no harm. Sometimes we do everything right and we earn our result. And sometimes, when our soul needs a rest we can’t describe or a hope that we have long given up on, it comes to us. Gently, kindly and with a warmth and joy as wonderful as it is unexpected.
I am reminded that it is truly okay to let go sometimes and to have just the tiniest amount of trust and faith in life. You won’t win them all and some losses will feel near fatal. But when you let go, you give Fate a chance. Sometimes when it’s all out of your control, Fate is your only shot.
The Yuppie Homesteader 